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It seems, that I am someone, who is no one. It seems that fate is against me when it comes to me having a relationship where a girl is dedicated to me and me alone. And maybe they all have had a good reason, I am no good. I am only good for cuddling and giving passionate words, other than that, I am nothing. I have a childish face so I can't be taken seriously, I am not very good at sexual activities and so that turns them away as well, I am not very strong, nor very talented. I wonder why it is that fate has set me on this path of failure and dissapointment.
Or, maybe it's simply because I was an 'unexpected child' and fate had nothing better in store for me. Maybe it seems because of my parents failures that I am to suffer whatever punishment was meant for them. Whatever it is, it seems that no one wants to put a hard enough effort into avoiding these small facts. The first said she'd try, yet ended up cheating on me and eventually driving me insane, thus me leaving her. The second says she does not want to leave my side, yet doesn't seem to want to put any huge effort into me. I wonder if it is worth it, to put myself through the pain, when the outcome that I see in the future leads to my destruction. I love her, but I wonder just how much she cares for me, when she does not give me reason to trust her. She has not shown that she wants to be loyal to only me, and I think she is just afraid of being left alone. Of course I don't want to leave her alone, in that cold and dark place that I've lived so long, but will it be worth my own destruction?
I am stuck at a cross in the paths, a fork in the road. I can either choose my own destruction, or the destruction of someone I love. And of course I'd rather kill myself rather than have her be hurt by my leave. However, she can make the path easier, either by choosing that she doesn't need me like I need her, or that she will finally decide that I am the only one and will change everything and prove to me that she will be loyal to me and me alone. Until then, I only have destruction in my future.