Well, if anyone has there two cents I won't mind at all. Here's the 411, as bluntly as I can put it:
Okay, you know that younger brother that I mentioned waaaaay back in entry 1? you know, the one that was mixed into the whole senior drama as well? Let's just say this-I'm have MAJOR problems in that area. What area, you ask? yup, you might have guessed it: Relationship.
It's only been about 2-3 months but him and I have been on mostly good footing (I say MOSTLY, nobody's perfect) Well, girls, (and no offense to any guys because I'm only taking this from my very narrow POV, just so you all know. Please don't hurt me...) we all know that guys don't mature as fast. In fact some guys are very IMMATURE...(oh the horror, that sounds all to familiar, eh?) What does this have to do with anything? It has well just about everything to do with this and it dirves me insane...(maybe I do need consiling...., no, no, no, no,no, bad thoughts, bad thoughts....*shivers*)
Anywho, back on topic. "good footing" not as friends...as bf/gf (just to clear the air. Sorry, but heck it would have sucked worse for me if it was all one sided and he knew nothing about my feelings...oh crud, that's too reminesecnt of a typical Anime plot. My LIFE is an Anime, by the way....) Recently though.....
Recently, there's just the "little things" that are starting to rub on my patience. By nature, I tend to shield away from adversery so, in the end, sometimes I hide my true feelings. But, on the same token, I get extremely touchy. Huh. I guess it's the mix of Fillipeno and Spaniard that sets it off (yesh, I'm Asian, despite numerous people saying that Fillipeno's aren't considered Asians...well, okay technically part but whatever. That was a bit off base...) It's just that I also don't take very well to "idiocy" or that stubborn gene I'd like to call "ISHRG" (Immature Stunting Habitual Retard Gene) I actually consider that a disease, but it can be genetic too. That's all beside the point, however. Directly and to the point-he's been displaying that "ISHRG" syndrom waaaaaay too much recently. And it's relaly starting to annoy me. I mean, I know it's nit-picky, but I just don't want to damage my already fragile heart....
I may get into it later sometime if anyone would like to know, but basically, my past doesn't warrent much patience in the future. Or rather, in my future love life. In a nut shell-I don't like people acting like complete idots when I'm trying to get a serious point across. And sometimes, he even says the wrong things at the wrong time-but of course not on purpose.It's just so seemingly HABITUAL that has me all tensed up over it.
It's just so hard when you finally let someone back in to share a part of your heart that means so much-the only small part I have left that's not scarred bitter from all that's happened. Isn't that the case for anyone who's ever been betrayed in caring deeply for someone so many times they get numb and coldly bitter?
It's just that I guess I'm still pretty sensitive and all....I still need time to heal perhaps....(geez, man, I guess you alll didn't know the extent of the damage, huh, that I'd talk like this. Trust me, to my frinds it's nothing new.)
Hmmm.....a song may be most accurate in this questionable field. Pehaps I will be fine tomorrow...Perhaps....
One More Time
A smile, a whisper
You fill me up
Yet crash me down
Like a rollercoaster without an end
You've served your purpose
You're here for good
I can't stand to fight
I can't stand to loose you all-
Chorus:
How many nights
Ended in me crying on
A pure white pillow?
When the candle guttered low
On the alter of my soul?
Devastated, If you smile
Hurt me one more time I
Won't speak for myself but
Running away would be
Worth all the time in the world
Play it out, laugh and shout
You gave me what
I always longed for
Yet feared above all else.
You've served your purpose
You're here for good
I can't stand to fight
I can't stand to loose you all-
Chorus 1x
I never wanted to
Consider running away from
What was so innocent an offering
But what good is
The pureness when in the same day
I can't always count on you being there?
Obsessions will be the ruin of us all
And if your one of them
I gues it's just fitting
Only fitting to give you
Another chance of redemption
But only if, only if you
Prove to me that you're deserving
Chorus 2x
A smile, a whisper
You fill me up
Yet crash me down
Like a rollercoaster without an end
You've served your purpose
You're here for good
I can't stand to fight
I can't stand to loose you all-
Chorus:
How many nights
Ended in me crying on
A pure white pillow?
When the candle guttered low
On the alter of my soul?
Devastated, If you smile
Hurt me one more time I
Won't speak for myself but
Running away would be
Worth all the time in the world
Play it out, laugh and shout
You gave me what
I always longed for
Yet feared above all else.
You've served your purpose
You're here for good
I can't stand to fight
I can't stand to loose you all-
Chorus 1x
I never wanted to
Consider running away from
What was so innocent an offering
But what good is
The pureness when in the same day
I can't always count on you being there?
Obsessions will be the ruin of us all
And if your one of them
I gues it's just fitting
Only fitting to give you
Another chance of redemption
But only if, only if you
Prove to me that you're deserving
Chorus 2x
