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Um...Rawr! Okay I had to get this off my chest. I've been feeling really frustated w/ my own abilities lately and I just don't think its' healthy to keep this kind of thing all bottled up for too long. sighs I have this huge earge to tell stories right now, I mean I really wanna just write, but I go over the ideas I have and everything seems like crap. Oh and I'm not mad at Chaos or anything, but when I showed him my little sample "A Half Elven Story" He commented on it's lack of flow in the writing and he questioned me about whether paladins in EQ2 would even travel in a regiment like that. He said I'd made Mayve sound like a common foot soldier...I'll have to talk to Kain about the Paladins' thing to double check. But, the thing that has me so distressed is that Chaos couldn't find anything good to say bout it. He's not a mean person and I know that if he liked something he wouldn't hesitate to tell me. Same w/ Alucin he didn't say if he liked the story or not he just made a comment about how in all our stories someone gets knocked out. sighs It's just frustrating. When I do a drawing I can look at it and imediately see if it looks good or not, technical aspects be damned. 'Cause it comes right down to: do you like looking at it? If yes then its good....W/ writing its so much more difficult for me. I have to read and re-read my own stuff repeatedly to check if its spelled right, if the punctuation is right. Then I have to check how it flows and then after all that if it sounds good and it's enjoyable to read. stressed crying This is why I gave up writing years ago...Not many people know this, but from the time I was around 11 until I was almost 17 all I ever wanted was to be a writer. It was my biggest dream and my actual career goal. But then I came to the above conclusion and realised that I had far more skill as a visual artist than a verbal one. A picture is worth a thousand words they say. So I can still tell a story using pictures, but at times like this when I get the itch to write again, it just breaks my heart..... Had to pause for a second there I was actually tearing upsigh Okay I feel a little better. If anyone reads this, thanks for listening guys. And to my friends yeah I love you guys and don't worry you can tell me if my writing or drawing sucks. I'm not gonna off myself or anything so foolish, I'm not that type of artist thank God. Nah this is just me being mad at myself for not being good at something even tho I know I haven't practiced in almost 2 years. Okay take care everyone and look out for falling artists. wink Yume signing off.

Posted by: Mayve Yume Draygon Wed Sep 20, 2006 @ 06:15pm

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"Nosce te ipsum" (Know thy self) --Latin Proverb

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I tend to get distracted by shiny objects and wander away, so please quote me if you'd like to get my attention.[/color:ba176895f2]

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Mayve Yume Draygon
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Commented on: Wed Sep 20, 2006 @ 06:27pm


	God I sound so Fin' angsty here don't I? Oh and yes I'm aware that Phenfox said she actually liked my story and wanted to hear more. The post above and this comment was put up because of yesterday when Kain, Alu and I were RPing, I screwed up royaly when I was trying to persuade that General to come help out...Kain told me what I did wrong after the scene was over and I did manage to help kill one of the bad guys so I guess it wasn't all bad. Just the RP thing was the last straw. Well I hate to admit this but I'm so jealous of Kain and his ability to pull a story out of his a* and it be this golden wonder. I mean he wanted to play my RPG, but I couldn't continue it 'cause I'm out of ideas right now and I've had a week to think of new ones. sigh Give him 7 minutes and he could outclass what it took me 7 days to put together...True he's had about 10 years more practice than me at DMing, but that doesn't mean it's not gonna frustrate the hell out of me anyway. Okay that's it I'm done beating myself up for today. I'm gonna go run off and lick my wounds for a while.

Commented on: Thu Sep 21, 2006 @ 08:30am


	EDIT Okay, I've calmed down a bit. Yume, this seemed like a gut-punch to me. A very low blow. Would you feel better if I, perhaps, started screwing up my RPG's? Mayhap take a cue from Nina's troupe and put us in a fruit bowl, and we all take the roles of different fruit? (Sadly, I'm being serious). I'm not going to edit my post, which follows shortly, mainly for one simple reason: I want you to understand how hurt I was when I wrote that, which was right after I read your post. sighs heavily, looking much older than his 22 years Yume, I'm tired. You honestly think I got this good overnight, or had some innate talent? Maybe I do, but it's because of years and years of practice that I became at least half-way decent. Also, I don't proof-read. Why not? Because then it's raw. It's exactly what I want it to be. My characters (okay, let my secret out)... exist in my mind. Almost like I'm schitzo or something, but I don't hear them, but I know exactly how they'd act, and what they'd say in any given situation. Yes, I'm fully aware of how crazy I am. Do you honestly want to have my abilities? Do you understand what you'd have to give up? I honestly think I'm not 100% sane at times. Think about it. I become obsessed with fictional characters, both others, and ones I create. I play games for hours and hours at a time, and when I'm not, I talk about them nearly non-stop. I rarely sleep (It's 7:09 AM ATM). I hardly eat. There's something not quite right with me. Do you still want my abilities? /EDIT Yume, shut the ******** up. Stop putting yourself down, or I'll hang up my writer's hat and dming hat forever. I mean, god, you're not bad. I like your RPG. It just flows a little slowly. And as for Chaos, he doesn't know how to talk to girls. Guys wouldn't take offense from what he said, but girls would (and obviously will). He won't say anything hurtfully purposefully, but he will, and has, unintentionally. So take whatever he says with a large grain of salt. And Yume, you think you have any right to be jealous of my half-assed story writing ability, when it's the same ****** thing nearly every time? Oh no, some really cool pretty boy is angry and wants to blow up the world, or kill us or something. Let's... go do something about it! THAT'S WHY I CAN MAKE STUFF UP QUICKLY; IT'S ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE. All your pictures are amazing, beautiful, and ten times better than what I could ever do. So don't you dare bash on your own original stuff, and praise my regugitated st. -Kain Tycho Draygon

Kain Tycho Draygon
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Mayve Yume Draygon
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Commented on: Thu Sep 21, 2006 @ 04:23pm


	Kain I don't know if you'll get to read this or not, but either way I'm gonna keep this response brief so I don't risk pouring my heart out on the internet...well more than I have allready. Kain I acknowledge the fact that you came to be as good at DMing as you are do to the amount of experience you have...You've been do this thing since Middle school. And please don't give up writing or DMing to please/sooth me. Also, Yes you do repeat some things, but you can recover when your players throw you for a loop w/ some pretty original responses.... Btw I never meant to insult, offend or hurt you in any way w/ my rant. For hurting you I'm sorry. The objective here was to write down everything that was going through my head at the time in an effort to get it out so I would stop beating myself up. I know how stupid it is to be cruel to oneself. When I say things out loud like this(so to speak) it forces me to actually see how stupid and illogical it all is. I mean "Golden Wonder"? What the hell was I thinking?...YEah okay it's official, for me being emotionaly distressed is damn near like being drunk because I seem to get just as stupid.

Commented on: Sun Sep 24, 2006 @ 06:07am


	Hey hey now Don't Give up We all have different strengths and yours is differently writting. Take me for example: It takes me forever just to write one paragraph of story, I can see how it looks like in my mind but it won't come out the way I want it to. Writting was my always my downfall but like Kain says pratice pratice pratice or my guitar teacher used to say the only way to play the big songs is to first play the little songs. Remeber to force your mind or well you could very much explode burning_eyes mentally not physically. No worries mrgreen You Can Do IT! mrgreen mrgreen

Phenfox Flamel
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