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__________"Pieces"(1982)_________


I had the previlage to see this movie during a movie marathon at the Egyptian Theater and It caught me off gaured, I though it was gonna suck..Man was I right..and wrong..

OKAY!..The movie starts out with a little perveted kid doing a nudey puzzle, and having his mom catch him do it, and yell at him saying it was his father whos making him like this and yada yada yada(What a b***h)
So the kid gets disgruntled by that and deciedes to cut dear old mum up with a Axe, Shining Style! then chop up the body..
The kid then procedes to finish the porno puzzle, but gets a unexpected visit from the cop-ers, he decieds to hide in the closet and pretend a killer came there(Evil Little ********)

So he got away with murder, but then the movie instantly goes into a strange first person view of a person going threw a box of old stuff including a picture of the dead mom, with a big "X" crossing her out in red, this scene then cuts to a retarded girl, retardly going into a mirror..like a retard..for no reason..

So then it cuts to him putting together just the head of the puzzle, and then once again cuts to another girl lying on the grass..just doing nothing..till her head gets chopped off by a chainsaw.(What happened to the girl who went into the mirror?..)

The school gets worried so they hire a detective by the name of Bracken whos determined to solve this mystery, and doesnt care what it takes or costs(Money that is) another main character is Kendell a womanizer and student at the school, he for alittle time in the begining of the movie is made to look like the killer, then that is thrown away. Another character is Mary Rigs a World Champion Tenis Player and cop, who goes undercover in the school.One intresting minor character is Willard the Janitor who always shows up at the killings, and is just wierd..he walks wierd, talks wierd, looks wierd, does wierd facial expresions, and has alot of long pauses..hes creepy..

Now the rest of the movie turns into a one by one dead kind of thing where the killer keeps getting parts to finish his perfect woman, and it kinda almost becomes a horror soft core porn movie in some parts but..is some tits really a bad thing in a horror movie?
Now the ending is one of the most ******** up ending..ever..Ever..Period!

Kendell finds out the killers the Dean of the school and remembers Mary is with the dean, him and the police head to the school as fast as they can as the dean drugs Mary and trys to cut off her feet to finish the perfect woman of his, he almost does it, but is stoped by Kendell and the police(the police are really mean to Ken and like to shove him alot in the scene) now they find Mary there unharmed, without a killer so kendell helps her up and the police leave..thats when the killer attacks kendell and they get in a classic hes almost about to kill him but the guy keeps pushing his hand, brawl. It goes on for a while till the killer gets shot in the head.
So there it is, Kendell, Mary, still alive, in love and Kendells become a cop, everythings g- OH MY GOD HE RIPPED UP HIS CROTCH!

Yah the killer grabs kendell by the crotch and rips up his privets, kendell screams..The End!

Now The editing is s**t, the lighting is crap and the writing is horrible, but its so, so bad its a masterpiece, I mean this is the funniest movie ever, Some of these scenes make no scense!!!!!!
Like Willards fight with the cop, or the kung fu proffecer scene, or the famous b*****d line..Oh my my..the b*****d line..

Mary gets overly passionate about her hate of the killer and yells:
"That b*****d...b*****d...BASTAARD!....BAAAASSTAARD!!"
She delivers that line so so bad, and so over acted its a classic..I mean the theater clapped it was so great..

The best thing is, this movies on dvd now thanks to "Grindhouse Releasing" So you too can see the b*****d! kill a bunch of girls, then ripp off kendells crotch.

Overall:

Gore:4/5 HE CUT HIS CROTCH!..MY GOD!
Screams:5/5 The b*****d line is just outstanding, but other then that there are some other good ones.
Survivor Girl:2/5 Marys..Alittle...Fugly..
Villian:2/5 Just a perverted Dean with a Chainsaw and a Puzzle
Theme:1/5 Its no Bride Of Frankenstien..
Final verdict:3/5 Cheak it out on Youtube.