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Kappa Trys To Review:

___________"City Of The Living Dead"..I think..(1980)___________

So just like in this movie, I was escavating the "Ruins" that is the storage room out back, and found this while looking for Godzilla Movies..

Now on the cassete cover it says(Yes VHS Baby old school)the movies name is "The Gates Of Hell"..And The Cover..Is the City Of The Living Dead poster(I know because I like to go threw old movie posters..) So What the hell is this movie?

Its original name is "Paura nella città dei morti viventi", and is a Film by Lucio Fulci(Zombi) Famous Italian Horror Director..Now I watched this film with my dad today on our old Tv/VCR and heres what I can put together of this movie..

So Some Priest..hung himself for some reason..in a town called Dunwich(Hmm..I wounder what/Who this films trying to cash in on..) and by doing this on "All Saints Day"(Nov 1st I believe since Halloween is All saints Eve..) the gates of hell will open..(Dur..Wounder where they got the idea for the name?)So 4 people decide to stop this..

Sounds okay..now heres the problems:
1.)The Quality of this movie is horrible..Nearly..Nearly..Shot-on-Shitteo..If it wernt for the good sound..Now the sound might come in good but the voices and dubbing suck..
2.)I dont know what the ******** is happening..Okay lets review the beggining

So these guys bury this lady in a grave and she isnt dead, she freaks out starts hyperveltilating(Oh yeah just suck up the little air you got..) Now Im thinking:
Hmm maybe this is a zombie powder ju-ju voodoo curse style movie like White Zombie or Serpent and The Rainbow..
Nope, instead this random man goes and hears the lady and lets her out by nearly killing her with a pick axe..

So then..I dont know what happens, and then this girl and a guy are in a car..the girl starts to feel someones watching, and there just so happens to be a person watching over to the side..
I found out who this is at the end of the movie..its the priest who hung himself..for some reason, and is now..(Dun Dun Dun)A ZOMBIE!
Yes this isnt a zombie movie..its a living dead zombie movie..
So The chick looks into the priests eyes..then she starts to bleed from her eyes, and vomite organs..then I dont really know what happens..

So the guy and the girl..I think from the beggining with the barried alive thing are now talking to some other people about whats happening..for some reason..im not sure why they would be talking about whats happening since not muchs happend..Im really lost..
So then they learn in a very quick little rant by one of the characters that the gates of hell are opening..how he knew about that who the ******** knows..

So then this guy hears stuff in his house, and then some chick gets her head ripped up..I dont know..

So just alot of s**t happens..Mostly with windows..lot of window stuff..

Okay..so then this guy with a beard..Gary I think gets a call from his..girl friend?..I dont know..about her going crazy..he goes over and finds out she has a dead woman in her house..
If I went over to one of my friends houses and saw a dead person im running..but Garys not that smart..he sticks around and acts like the loud cat like racket and the dead person vanishing is normal....Yup..
Normal..

I can honestly say..I have no idea what happens for the rest of the movie, some kid gets a drill threw his head, a kids parents are murdered by zombies, maggots are falling like rain..I have no Idea whats going on..and When zombies do apear..its so dark you can bearly see ANYTHING..maybe like a slight blue-ish out line..But nothing..

I mean the pictures on the box look so..so clear..and Bright!..But..its all LIES!
Okay So heres what I know so far
4 characters are trying to stop the gates of hell from closing..so..they..talk..alot..eat..one gets her hair and skin ripped off and dies..another gets..well its pretty much the same thing..and then the other two are okay..uhuh..
Then some kid gets a nail threw his head for no reason..
and Zombies have the ability to teleport, sound like monkeys..make peoples eyes bleed and vomite blood and organs..Fine..Also zombie catch fire...Whatever I dont care anymore..

So..the ending is they defile the graves of the dead, and kill the priest zombie by..I dont know..frankly I cant see threw most of the movie because of the ******** lighting..so then all the zombies catch fire. Now I actually though the movie ends here because I heard the music start and the screen was black but no..so they leave the tomb..and every things okay..untill a kid runs twards them and freeze frames..Uhuh..

So thats the end..Nothing more..

This movie goes threw the plot and whats happening so ******** quick..There was a scene I was hoping would clue me in as to what was happening but no such luck as all you here them say is
"So thats the story.."
Whats the story?!..What happened!?

You dont know..
Its like its some big secret only the viewer cant know..
Also the zombies were just pimply wormy heads..I never saw a full zombie just heads..floating in darkness making monkey sounds..
Seriously was there a monkey loose in the set?..because the whole end has monkey noises..
Also why are they scared of the kid at the end?..is he a zombie?..do they not like the kid because his voice is retarded?..I dont know..do you?..I really want to know..

Also threw out this movie, the Zombie theme is played..

Overall:
Gore:8/10 It was satisfying..
Quality:3/10 Theyre still better quality then Chester Turners movies
Survival girl:1/10 all the characters sucked
Theme:10/10 I love the Zombie theme so much!
Villians:8/10 The Zombies look cool..but are kinda boring..and I only see heads..only heads..
Screams:1/10

Bodycount:
1.)The Priest
2.)Girl in car
3.)Boy in Car
4.)The one main character chick..
5.)That guy that was in pieces
6.)The Kids Mom
7.)The Kids Dad
8.)The Kids Sister
9 & 10.)The guys in the bar
11.)The kid who gets a nail threw his head
Thats all the deaths I saw and remember..

Would someone please explain what happens in this movie?..I mean im lost..


"You'll end up a dirty old man reading that stuff. A pervert. A peeping tom. I saw a porno flick once. This fellow in the audience got so carried away, he humped himself to death"