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i'm seriously considering making this journal entry private, because part of me would prefer that all of you people DONT read this, the other part kind of thinks that you deserve to know just how horrible i can be..so. fair warning, this is going to be bad. and i probably will cuss, a lot if i'm going to discuss this. soo...yeah. i dont have patience for editing this, and i dont know if will be able to maintain my calm for much longer so...here i go
my bloody amazing wait for breaking dawn

it started out like this, i was at that stupid little library party thing. it was fine and dandy and all. i talked to some girl who was a year younger than i. and there were a few people that i did know, just not anyone that i particularly liked. i entered my little tickety things into a bunch of raffles, and i did actually win something, i suppose i should be greatful for that, but i'm honestly unsurprised. i have quite a bit of luck at raffles. sometimes it makes me feel guilty. so when the party is finally wrapped up i walk downstairs and wait by the doors with all the other kids-who's-parents-should-have-shown-up-five-minutes-ago. so i waited a little while and mom pulled up, unsurprisingly with the criminal ( DO NOT ASK ME FOR BLOODY CLARIFICATION ON WHO THE CRIMINAL IS, IF YOU KNOW ME AT ALL THEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT!) so i got into the car. i was actually pretty happy at that point. over excited. it was better than christmas. after a too-long drive to walmart, and mom badgering me with questions on how the party was and all that, which i really didnt want to answer, i just wanted to listen to my music and drown at the world, hoping to make the wait disappear, we finally got there. the first person we asked about breaking dawn, one of the walmart employees, was a stupid ditzy lady who had no clue. so we asked some other person, and some other person, all who knew nothing about it. they spent about a minute all asking each other if they knew anything about it, though i'd already confirmed with each one that they were oblivious. so finally we got the information we needed and i went to wait by the book section (duh,). mom said she was going to go shopping, so i said i'd stay here. i was the first one there! there was nooo one else there. so i stood there, and i listened to my mp3 and i sang along with some songs, people stared at me as they walked by, but see if i care. i enjoyed myself nonetheless. (did i mention, i arrived at 10:10?) so i listened to music for awhile longer and then checked the time again, it was 10: 30. mom came back. some bull s**t about washing her hands or soemthing so i had to watch the cart. i did so. then they walked off again. me cheering in my head, greatful for her to be gone. so i was browsing around the books, and i found a theasurus (ahh, the obsession of words continues!) and i looked up some words that i thought might be useful. then i grabbed some of the twilight books and started reading through my favorite parts. i was reading twilight, at the part where bella's in the hospital and all that jazz, when someone squeezed my sides from behind. i did one of those movie star gasps, (impressive) and i litterally spun on my heel, (you never really understand how that works utnil you do it yourself. lol) only to find that it was meagan. and i squeeled. yes, sad as i am to admit it, i actually squeeled. just like a little cheerleader prep.
"OH my god! you were suppposed to be here BEFORE ME!" i said to her
"yeah well, my mom took forever aaand-" she trailed off because her mom was standing behind her. so her mom took off in search for school supplies, meanwhile me and meagan are talking about our favorite parts of the book and stuff, i asked her what time it was and it was 11 (squeeeeel) so we started looking up our favorite quotes and stuff. after awhile, i hear a familiar voice, look up and see three of my friends. i wont say who they are, because if they read this...well.i would feel guilty. but i'm not particularly found of them anymore, and i didnt want them to be here ruining my fun. i dont know why. i was kind of vicious. but i kept it all in my mind and acted like i was happy to see them. they asked when the book would be realeased, and we told them about the whole midnight thing. so they went off in search of entertainment. me and meagan stopped reading after awhile and just sat around. some dude walked up, and he was staring at the twilight stuff, and then he was like "are you guys waiting for breaking dawn? like, do you know when it'll be out" and he does this hand thing, like...ooh god. it just made it incredibly obvious that he was gay. but me and meagan were like "yeah, we're waiting for it, it'll be out at midnight" "oh okay, thanks" he said and walks off. then me and meagan burst into giggles, trying to decide weather he's on team jacob or team edward. meagan suggested the brilliant idea that maybe he wanted both of them together. XD lets not go into detail about that. we laughed soooo hard. and then i asked what time it was. and it was 11:45. and the 3 "friends" were starting to walk back. so i grabbed her arm and yanked her up off the floor and said that we had to stand RIGHT HERE, and make sure no one cut us. so we're standing there, and two other girls come. probably at least 18 years old. they both seemed friendly, one of them was wearing waaay two much eyeliner, and it make her eyes look weird. they were half closed kinda, and she looked dead. so we were all talking about the book for awhile, and then some more people show up. and then meagan checks her watch and its midnight. aaah, so we're all like, hey, where's the books?! and we're all getting slightly crazy when a guy rolls in with a cart full of them. he sloooowly opens the box, and takes out t-shirts...how odd. i thought maybe he was going to put them in the clothes section, but he sets them aside. and then he reaches into the box and sets the books precariously at the very edge of the cart, not one of his better ideas. we all lunged for them, and i caught one as it was falling to the ground. no, i'm not making this up, someone could have very well gotten injured during all this. but i had my book, and i was soo happy. ---and here is where the evil in me starts, beware---
suddenly after everyone got their books, he gives t-shirts out, "to the first three people in line" he says. before that really sunk in, the two bitches who arrived right after us snatched up two of the shirts, and meagan got one two. WHAT?! i was here since ******** 10:15 people! you've only been here for five minutes! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE! ooh those stupid bitches, they dont deserve those shirts!!! i was SO MAD! but i didnt show it. and i just smiled at meagan, and asked what her shirt said. and she showed it to me. and she asked the guy if there were anymore of them, but no. there werent. that shirt would be worth a whole lot of money on ebay, i can tell you now. and it should have been MINE. aaaaaaugh. but i pushed that behind me, and wandered off in search of my mom. i got halfway down an aisle when meagan called "krissy!" and i turned around to see mom and the criminal walking towards me.
"did you get your book?" she asked
"yeah," i said grinning, "but i was supposed to get a t-shirt, but some people stole it before i got a chance."
"oh, that sucks" my mom said. ha, sucks doesnt even cover it.
then she stares down at the book cover.
"whats that?" she asks. and dear lord, there is a teeney red speckle on the front of my book.
"its nothing mom, it doesnt matter. probably just the ink, " i say quickly, clutching the book. i tried to rub it off
"DONT touch it!" she says getting mad at me. then she turns to consult the criminal
"do you think its something to worry about?" she asks him he does this hmm think that makes me want to kick his a**. " well personally, i think she should put it back" he says. "WHAT?" i explode "no, this is MY book, and its perfectly fine!" i am positive that i had tears in my eyes. "kristina!" my mom snaps at me " you stop that right now!" ooooh b***h you have it coming to you one of these days. she can NOT take this book from me! this was MINE! i waited here for it!!
"there's other copies, you can just get another one" she says "its all the same book" but its not the same! this was My book. this was the one that i caught from the cart falling. this was the one i waited in line for. but she took it out of my hands. and put it back on the display. and asked the CRIMINAL to pick out another book for me that looked "safe" i could here the three so called friends in the checkout line, snickering, and saw the one that i thought i could trust gesturing towards me. finally the criminal picks one out "this one appears safe" he says. and holds it out to me.
"i'm i allowed to touch it?" i growl at my mom. so she takes the book for me.
"alright, now lets go down to the bathrooms to wash up" she says. i follow, ready to start screaming with every step. my hands were balled up into fists, and i cant remeber the last time that my anger has taken control of me like this. we walk down to the bathroom, which was closed, and we have to walk back to the other side of the store to find a different one. mom specifies which hand soap thing to use, saying that the other ones didnt look "entirely safe" AGAIN with the ******** safety! i dont want her protecting me anymore. but i do as directed and just hold the anger in more. but if looks could kill, both of them would have dropped dead right in front of my very eyes. finally when i'm nice and SAFE, i grab my book from her and hold it to me. i THOUGHT we were just going to check out right then but, oh no, we have more shopping to do. what more could we possibley need? we've been here for long enough as it is! but the criminal had to get his precious food, so we waited. and while i waited, i read. and mom asked me mindless questions and sounded all happy now, and asked if i wanted this, or if we needed that. i repeatedly told her, no, i dont want anything. and i kept on reading. but after i finished chapter two, i stoped, because the title of chapter three sounded really good. and i didnt want to spoil it with all this. i wanted it to be perfect when i read it. so i closed the book, regretfully, and continued walking behind the two of them. we finally made it to the checkout,and i didnt let that book drop from my hands once, i asked the guy to use his scanner on it, because i didnt want to have to go through moms washing crisis. because the guy had a cut on his hands. i tiny insignificant cut. but oooh so deadly. the criminal and my mom took their precious time while they were unloading the groceries. and even stood outside the car for like five minutes just talking.i looked at the clock, and it was 1already. they spent a whole hour, with all their mindless crap. a whole our that i could have been reading my book. but no, i waited. i turned my music up louder, hoping to drown it out. they finally got in the car. both of them. the criminal's disgusting cologne almost suffocated me at first. and then all too slowly we started driving. mom asked meaningless questions as we drove. gabbing about something. i dont entirely remember what it was. i wasnt paying attention. i continued turning the music up, but the soft piano playing wasnt enough to tune out the annoying drone of her voice. when we finally got home, mom asked something about my book and i remember i said "i'm guarding this with my life, if any of you people bother me while i'm reading it, or if rob or jess does, i just might bite them" mom said soemthing about how that wasnt nice, and sounded annoyed with me. but i jumped out of the car and ran up to the front door. after about half a second of contemplating on whether or not to disturb the peace by ringing the doorbell, i rang it. figuring someone was bound to be up. jesse answered. i should teach that child not to answer the door this late in the night, but i was beyond reason, so i just mumbled "get the hell outta my way" as i pushed past him. i ran to my room and set the book down, then ran back into the kitchen to go wash my hands so that i wouldnt have to lie to my mom. i try not to lie as much as possible now, even the stupid pointless things. and as i ran into the kitchen, i slipped on the carpet. why oh WHY did we put a carpet in the kitchen? i dont know, but it didnt matter. i just got back up and finished washing, then a little more slowly walked back through the living room.
"what are you doing?" jesse asked.
"i'm going to go read my book," i said, a little less agravated now " and can you please turn that down?" i asked gesturing towards the tv. so he did. and then i got ready for bed in record time.i cant think of a day in my life that i've ever moved that fast. i almost laughed at myself, because i was just so grateful to finally have what i wanted. i turned the lights off and plugged in the dim lamp in my room. i didnt want the bright light, i hate lights at night. but i could handle the dim light, and it saved me the trouble of holding a flashlight. then i settled in and began reading. i had waiting so long for this book, and it was finally mine. i read until about three thirty, when mom knocked on the door, saying i should go to sleep soon, i said okay. and i turned out the lamp, only to pick up a flashlight. what she didnt know wouldnt hurt her. it would be MY exhaustion to deal with, not hers. but at four, right when i was at a particularly breath taking part, there was a knock on the door again.
"are you still awake, reading?" she asked, she sounded like she was in a nice enough mood, so i told the truth. "yes." so she opened the door .and walked in. "with a flashlight?" she asked and flicked on the lights. i winced. "why didnt you just leave the lights on?" she asked "because they're bright and i didnt want to have them on. i hate bright lights at night." "you were trying to sneak this by me?" she asked jokingly. i just smiled. better to pretend to be happy, and get her out of my room as soon as possible. but no, she took a step into my room, and i almost groaned, but caught myself. then the ever popular speech began " i'm sorry i yelled at you earlier, but i dont like it when you get upset over things, you know that i only mean to protect you, and you know that mom loves you.." she continued on and on, and after awhile i actually stopped listening. why is it always that she speaks to me like i'm a retarted child? is it truelly necassary to speak in third person? "its fine, its okay" i lied over and over. so much for trying to avoid that... just keep up the act, i kept telling myself. its for her sake. i'm doing the right thing. so i continued to smile, and allowed her to hug me, all the while, screaming inside "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" after about five minutes, she finally left, only because i pretended a yawn, and started letting my eyes droop. but it worked. and thats all that mattered. she left finally, and i finished my chapter, and i attempted sleep, all the while, gettin verry very frustrated. slightly frustrated at the author of this book as well. but i wont go into detail about that. because now i love it again. and now, i have to go. because my friends are waiting at the park. and this may just be the last time that i see shelly, so i better make the most of it.
heart krissy