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In a world where I’m told what I’m supposed to think, what I’m supposed to feel, I find it very difficult to do these things correctly.

I was accused of being belligerent today. When really, all I was, was confused. If I don’t know what answer you want me to say, when clearly you have something very specific in mind, how can I answer it? And so my doubt is read as being stubborn and confrontational.

I hate expectations. Everyone has them! Even if they don’t mean to! (I’m even guilty of this, I’m not saying I’m an exception.) If I am somewhat off, then clearly something is Wrong and cause for concern? I must. Be. Happy. Every moment?

I just get so tired sometimes.

It’s not that I’m Unhappy. (no, don’t you correct that, Microsoft word, that is a capital letter.) On the contrary, I’m happier than I’ve been. For the most part, I’m content. But there’s always something wrong, isn’t there? Even if it’s small, there’s always something.
And I wish that when I’m happy, people would know not to spoil it. Not to get mad at me for being, getting something I wanted, something I’m okay with. I wish that she wouldn’t throw a fit about such little things. I wish I could just breathe sometimes. I wish I could relax and not feel all these different things, just BREATHE. PLEASE. All I’m asking for is some peace of mind, a person I can talk to who can be happy with me, rather than get angry at me for not doing what THEY want. What makes THEM happy. I’m sorry I can’t be you! I’m not perfect. Haven’t we established this? You have no idea how imperfect I am!

I miss being able to talk. I miss being able to let all the feelings out, without being afraid that you’ll hurt me with them in some way.
I wish you didn’t use these things to hurt me. I miss wishing on you.
I wish you didn’t know me as well as you do, and sometimes I wish I never knew you at all.
I didn’t think I could be angry with someone I loved. And no, I do not mean in a romantic way, isn’t it okay to just love someone anymore?
I was wrong before, I admit that. I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have said those things.
I wish you wouldn’t feel sorry for me. I wish you could just listen, and understand, and not pity, just understand.

And I know that other people have worse problems in their life. I know this very well. I’m not claiming my problems are monumental. They are not. They are hardly worthy of being called “problems."