The final thoughts
Ok..some one loves me..besides whos sopesed to...what do i do about this..nothing?..everything?....I just dont know. If it ever dose happen. Will i be waht she thinks I am..will I satisfy her needs. And if it dosent will I be the cause of her misery..or maby even death. Would I be the reason to stay and fight..or fade and die. How many times do I have to have nightmares about my wakeing thoughts. its starting to take houres to fall asleep now. I curl up..I wait..I want to dream like I awalys do. But my night is filled with nightmares..my heart with dread. Im...Im scared for what may happen. Im terafied that im gonna wake up one day..and get a call telling me ones dead and the other dosent want me..or worse.. one has threatend to kill her self and one asks to marry me. Then theres the bigest question. What makes me so desireable. Im a 14 year old battler with acme and mental problems..do they see that..wanting to place band aids on things and make a name fro them selves...or are they looking for love close to home. Am I insane and dreaming a** this..am i traped in a white jacket somewere as my sick fantasy plays out...or is ebery one else just dreaming of me. The angle of death to relive them from there sins. Im not all they think i am.
Im just....just Jonah. My sister si my only gide through this..and one of her songs she showed me keeps playing in my head...Listen to your heart...What should I do. I cant ingore one or the other. A choice has to be made. I thought my choice of " if it ever happens well try it " would work...but now i see that causes more pain then it heals
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Rekins book
This is mine
Star-light
Star-Bright
Last time Im in this Fight.
For you I cried well into the day.
For you I cried well into the Night.
For you no more I'll cry and fight.
Star-Bright
Last time Im in this Fight.
For you I cried well into the day.
For you I cried well into the Night.
For you no more I'll cry and fight.
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Aya the Small Community Member |
Xx Lushrocker xX
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