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Why do I feel the need to keep posting in this journal? My last entry was almost a year ago, and it was just to say thanks. However, as of late, I haven't been able to get this journal out of my mind. Like, somehow, I have this responsibility to continue.

I haven't much to say, of course. Everything of value I put down in my paper journal. I suppose I could type things out again...maybe get some clarification that way.

I lost my job about a month ago. . .well, I say that like it was a mutual thing. I was fired from my first clinical job. I can't begin to describe how much of a failure that makes me feel. Of course I know that I'm not a complete failure, but it does go to show that ... well ... perhaps I'm better suited for work outside of "helping people"

I still believe, though, through all the doubt, that I'm supposed to strive to make this a better place to live. Just look at the good that has come about in the ... oh boy ... 11 years ... that I've been using this journal?

I've managed to come to terms with who I am as a person, and I figured out that this so called "curse" on my family is just bad genetics.

I don't know... for every success there is in my life, I feel like there's a failure to go with it.

Perhaps it's time to tackle one of the remaining mysteries from my teenage years. I've put it off for a while because... well... I just don't understand.

"Will she ever get it?" My mother asked.

Now I ask: "what is 'it'" ...what is it that I am not understanding? What great secret is there that stands between me being a success story and a total failure?