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Who I Am - A Degrassi Fanfiction by amyheartsricky from fanfiction.net
This time of the morning was always hard.
Good morning, sunshine, she said the moment I opened the door.
"Shut up," I muttered, bracing myself against the counter-top, trying to keep from looking in the mirror. It wouldn't do anyone any good..
But I did it anyway. As always. I peeked through my too-long lashes, drawing the agonizing moment out, up into the eyes of Gracie. She smirked at me, and I felt myself give in to her and the pain she caused me. Tugging at the baggy t-shirt at my neck. It suffocated me like she was at my neck, pulling it tighter and tighter.
I pulled the shirt up over my head, taking my time to ball it up and throw it in the laundry before I let Gracie pull me back in.
Look at me, I'm Adam Torres! I'm a real boy! she mocked as I dressed for school.
I just held my silence, turning on the tap and splashing water on my face.
Don't you get tired of playing dress-up? she questioned me relentlessly.
I paused over the sink, irked. She smiled sweetly. My fingers curled around the edges of the counter and I gazed up at her smug face.
I pulled back my arm, my hand forming a fist. It took all of my focus not to strike.
"Shut. Up." I said, my voice trembling from anger.
She just laughed in disbelief. You look like such a wimp, she snickered endlessly, her eyes not leaving mine.
The anger at her bubbled up in that moment. I hated her. I hated her.
Her taunts - just echoes of other's words, her body.
Gracie's smile fell and her eyes flashed in fear. Good.
My fists snapped forward and I didn't feel the pain as it punctured the mirror. Glass went flying but oddly none touched me. With the mirror gone, no one was left to remind me of what I was: not just a boy. I stared at the last, trembling piece of glass left stuck to the wall directly in front of me. All that was left of the reflection were Gracie's eyes.
They held secrets, and I could tell she was smiling again.
Can't get rid of me that easy, the eyes said.
"Wanna bet?" I said, my anger unfading. I reached forward and yanked that stupid last piece. I crushed it under my feet and could feel myself smiling broadly as it turned to dust.
A bubbling, girly laugh - half maniacal - sounded from behind me and I whipped around. There stood Gracie, in a light sundress, her mouth twisted in a lovely smile. She looked happy as could be.
I gasped, edging towards the door. Last week, my counselor had said something about "fighting my own demons." I was beginning to figure out what she'd meant by that...
Gracie's smile didn't falter; she looked so serene, I wanted to ask why. She kept coming toward me and soon I was backed up against the door.
"No matter how much you want to get rid of me, Adam, I'm not going anywhere." she taunted, our faces inches apart.
"You don't know me. You don't know anything about me." I said forcefully, shoving her back.
She tilted her head to the side, smiling still, and gave me a look of amusement. "I'm you. I know more than even you do."
"Shut up. You're not who I am." I shouted at her, opening the door behind me. She just watched and followed; like a shadow.
"Stop pretending, Adam, I know your thoughts. You wish you were normal. You wish you were like me. You wish you were happy." she spoke over my shoulder and in my ear. I stopped moving.
I looked at her, at the stupid smile on her face, at the confidence in her that showed in the way she held herself, at the untroubled energy that emanated from her...
Gracie was right. Half the time I wish I wanted to be Gracie, just so I could be..normal, in some ways. Just so I could know what it feels like to be who I was without anyone questioning it.
And that just made me angrier. She smirked at me, knowing exactly what was going through my head.
"Why are you trying to get rid of me, Adam? You're just confused. You became Adam because you don't like me, didn't you?" she said, her voice floating around me as if she was in my head.
"SHUT UP!" I screamed at her, swiveling around as she revolved around me. Going too fast. "Just shut up!"
She grinned, revolving still faster.
"You'll miss me when I'm gone."
Her smile grew huge and her eyes glinted bright. And suddenly her entire figure glazed over as if hit by a shockingly bright light, and I stopped in my tracks. Gracie stopped too.
Except Gracie wasn't there at all.
I was staring at my reflection.
I screamed at the top of my lungs - Gracie's voice pouring from me as I let the terrified confusion and despair out.
My eyes flew open and I was still screaming. The sudden dark shocking me... My step-brother rushing over to my bed... Gracie's voice echoing in my thoughts... My own voice drowning out... The scream ending as reality hit again...
I'd only been dreaming...
I was me. I was Adam.
 Malevolent Glare · Tue Dec 14, 2010 @ 12:49am · 0 Comments |
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