You ever have one of those really depressed moods, where nothing seems to make you happy? The thought of your favorite music, good food, your special someone, nothing seems to lift you out of it?
Those times suck, don't they? They seems like they'll never end. You know that it's not possible for it to be so, but still the thought persists.
At any rate, I discovered recently that I am, for lack of a better word, afraid, of change. I suppose we all are on some level or another, but the fact remains that this is the only thing I can seriously say bothers me. For example, take with the whole "get a job and move out of your parent's house" thing, I know I have to get a job, and live on my own, and that society expects this of me, but all of this just leaves me a bit...Unsettled, I suppose is the word.
I find myself deliberately not giving something my all, in hopes that it will fail and things will remain as they are for a little bit longer. I try to stay out of the way, just to try to prolong things.
I want to say that I do these things without thinking of it, that they are subconscious actions, but the fact is that I'm not entirely sure if they are. And if they aren't, then what kind of worthless am I, then?
In spite of all of these thoughts, I still wonder, am I really afraid of change? Is it true? If even I don't know, how could anyone else? Am I just denying it, shunting to the side what I dislike, the way a picky child will shove aside peas on a plate of food?
Now, I feel my stubbornness kick in, shouting "[********] IT!!" in irritation. Maybe I am afraid of change, maybe I am not. But either way, it is part of me, of who I am. And that, bothers me not at all.
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Jace Riven Community Member 
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