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Its a true story, But it aint over yet... |
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Think you've experienced true love? Think you've been duped by someone, left out, ignored, you're sad and cant think right and now you're thinking why you are still here? Well let me tell you this, Ive experienced something familiar to what someone might be experiencing right now, taking the time to read this means you've probably wanted to see if your life looked the same... Well lets see,
Starting all this, I never really believed in true love, I always thought things like that were useless and no one needed it. Sure, I was like that, but to my surprise heheh I fell in what you could call love. Or was it? All I could think about was that person, the one and only, the only person whom my heart beated to. I wanted to give myself to that person and always felt as if I had to do something to help that person no matter what, If that person needed help, I would be there for that person. I needed help, I couldnt think straight, I began changing for a reason that was not okay. I began drinking and did things would have normaly never done in my life. Now you're thinking, hey its okay! Im not like that haha! Well, if you're thinking that way, good for you! But if you keep on reading, then it means you still want to see if some connection to your life will appear. Now continuing on with what I was trying to say... I didnt know who to turn to, my family was not an option, I always felt left out in my family and despised almost every member and for no appearant reason... But the reason was, I wanted to be like that person, I wanted to become someone I couldnt be, I wanted it so hard that I made myself sick. I cried, and I am not ashamed to say it, I cried at night because I could still smell the alcool in my mouth, on my lips. I felt like I was a monster, someone who had changed into something he wasnt. I was pathetic, my cousine made me realize what I once was, a determined boy with a huge dream and a great way of seeing the future, I was someone who wasnt afraid of what was going to happen, I might have been a little shy, but I was myself atleast. After months I finaly passed this, the person was no longer in my mind, but I kept thinking....why didnt I confess my love, why? If you want the answer...Well, Ill say it with a huge smile and also with pride, the reason why I never told that person how I felt, was because that person was a guy, you betcha, he wasnt a girl. I admired a guy so much, that I fell in love with him. But you know what? I did tell him, I did say how I felt, wanna know how it happened? Sure! Im going to tell you and Im not gonna be shy about it!
It was one night, he was connected on msn as always, but he never answered to any of my hellos, but suddenly, he said hi, and I told him... I told him I had something to tell him, something important that might change the way he sees me, I wanted to make sure he would keep it a secret...He reasured me, he said he would keep it a secret and never tell a soul...I trusted him, and then I confessed, I told him I loved him, I told him how it began and how I felt. But, my friend explained me this. I told him to rushfully, it was too quick, he couldnt think straight...I mean come on! A guy just tells you he loves you out of the blue and you're just like WOAH O_O
But, I never could have anticipated this... He told everyone, he told everyone that I loved him, and that I confessed my love to him, he told them after he had promised me he would not tell anyone, but in the end..... All he did, was destroy his reputation, now people see him and laugh because they say HEY look! its Daniel's boyfriend!! Of course, they did the same thing to me, but hey, I didnt care at all, why? because I accept the way I am and what I am, but him...He wasnt gay of bi, he didnt love a guy, and yet people treated him as if he did..Isnt that true torture? Maybe it was his punishement...Even though I did not wish for it to turn out this way...
But, this chapter is gone haha, things have changed, now I see him and see the shell of what I once was. But now... Ive fallen in love with ye another person, but this person is one of my friends... I kept wondering, if he didnt care about me, the guy who went and told everyone I confessed to him, could it have actually meant he cared just a little? why go trought all the trouble of telling everyone?
Now Im still lost, not as deep as what I once was but I am still lost, I love someone else, but another someone I cannot have, what will I do now? You want the answer? Well I will tell you what I think, I think... Im gonna try and look for someone else, my friend is not the same as me, I cannot force someone to love me, its not my right, I have no right to force someone to love me and I wont. Im going to enjoy every moment I pass with him, and my other friends, Im going to enjoy this new life Ive been given. I wont waste my time with useless heart breaking things, Im going to live in the present, not in the past, nor the future.
I hope you saw some connection to your life, maybe you didnt, but if you read all this,...Thank you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish for you to live a happy life.
Thank you everyone, I wouldnt have become what I am today without you
 Danole · Mon Jul 09, 2007 @ 08:44am · 1 Comments |
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