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Everyone in my world was nothing but a living organism to me. I could never be able to claim them beautiful. Or perfect. No one gave me a reason to. I never grew fond as much as I should have.
All I ever wanted was to find the person I've always dreamed of.
My perfect somebody.
This person didn't have to love me. I didn't have to love this person.
Just knowing them would give me some feeling of accomplishment.
And happiness. Unfortunately I feel that god had placed this person into a different world A different universe. Where I didn't exist. This person doesn't even know I'm alive.
Waiting. Yearning. Needing.
I wasn't even a figment of his imagination.
But he was every figment I could have ever dreamed up.
The person I felt I was destined to be with.
Wasn't even in my world.
But I felt he did exist.
And then..
A different he came along.
I was exhilirated by his presence. His gold hair and skin. His eyes showed a perfect picture of the sun blackening and then exploding into the blue sky. This boy.
This man. He was perfect. he made me feel like a unreasonable useless child.
I smiled once more. Perfect. His answer's more obvious than mine when it came to difficult problems good reasonable answers that fixed everything.
It was even harder to take in that this young man. he was mine. For as long as I needed him. He promised to be there. I expected another person,him, to throw my heart into the fire then leaving me to bury it so the flames would go out.
But he never did. If he ever hurt me he made sure my heart wouldn't even touch a spark of fire.
Funny thing was. Right when I fell in love with him. My heart was filled with lovely fire.
Since then I always thought and wondered.
I still miss this person. Who I didn't exist to.
But he existed to me.
Everyday I thought about him.
He was still the reason I lived.
Then I thought.
Why would god put someone on this earth who loved and devoted everything they had to me? Was god going to let this build up then let it fall later? Does god wish to be that cruel to all the non-believers and confused?
I was never the one to take risks.But This boy.
This young man. He felt so real. My heart happily suffocated everytime our lips embraced. His words we're so strong. They had meaning.
More meaning when my best friend said she still cared.
More meaning when my dad said he loved me for the first time in years.
He was the first person on earth to prove to me that our kind can be beautiful.
Why do I have to live for someone that I mean nothing to?
Someone I don't exist to.
When I could live for this person.
Who unconditionally and immensly devotes his soul and his heart to me?
And it's too late to stop me.
But I've already shared some of my soul with him.
And my heart.
Well he has it already.
And if god did want this to build up.
and then watch it fall.
I would probably cry until my death.
But if I could go over it all again knowing the sad ending.
I wouldn't hesitate to do so.
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