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A Short Exchange with Death

"I've had a shitty life, I deserve a rest."

"Yes, I know."

"But, I never thought it'd come to this, you know? I mean, who gets the chance to choose?"

"You do, right now. You are right on the edge, and it's your will which will keep you alive, or let you pass on."

"It's that easy, huh? I could just... close my eyes, and let it come? And it wouldn't even be suicide?"

"You're already dead, but, with the will to live, you can make it back. They're trying to resuscitate you right now."

"It was quite a wreck, huh? What happened, anyway?"

"The driver of the pick-up hadn't slept in almost 30 hours, but he didn't pull over to rest."

"Ah. ********."

"He was careless, and it cost him, and now he has all of eternity to feel guilty. But don't judge him. He was only doing it so he could get back to his home for his daughter's birthday. He had promised to be there."

"Oh... I wish I had been able to swerve out of the way..."

"If you had swerved you would have swerved right, and you would have killed half the people in the minivan in that lane. Besides, it's in the past now. You have a decision to make right at this moment."

"Yes, and I'm doing a good job of avoiding it, aren't I?" *nervous chuckle*

"There's no need to stall. Time isn't passing while we speak, since it's all inside you."

"Right. Shoulda known." *pause* "I don't think Trish would want me to kill myself."

"No, she definitely doesn't want you to."

"But my life has sucked so much though, y'know? I was given away before I remember anything, and then passed from house to house, unwanted, unloved. I finally found the one person who I could consider family, and then she died... my only sister, or... as close to a sister as I've ever really had."

"Yes, I know."

"But... I haven't even had the chance to find out who my real parents are. I've got a mindful to say to them, and... Why? Why am I getting this choice?"

"Because you're right here, Matt, right here at the very razor's edge. It's just one of the rules. It doesn't happen that often."

"Sure..." *sigh* "I guess, the thing is... I've had a hard life, but I'm only 20, and there's so much more to live for... right?"

"Harder times than you've experienced so far, and joy such that will make your happiest times so far seem like just another day."

"But..."

"Of course it won't be easy, it never is. But, what is life without the pain? You have nothing to measure your joy against if you've never felt pain."

"Yeah... guess you're right. Never thought of it that way."

"They usually don't."

*pause* "Am I going to have a daughter?"

"If you go back, yes."

"Good, because there aren't enough girls named Trish out there, y'know?"

"I know."

"Besides, I can't just let myself die. Trish would be so pissed. Could you... could you tell Trish I said hello, and that I love her?"

"She knows."

"Well, good. Good. I'll... see you later, I guess?" *nervous chuckle*

"When the time is right. Good luck, Matt."

"Thanks. Thanks a lot."

As Matt wandered out from the dark depths of his soul, back to his body and the existence that he sometimes considered Hell on Earth, the robed shadow he had been speaking with smiled