IRL:
or maybe not... things I would not talk about with people in words... but I almost have no problem to write it down... things you dont want to hide, but you dont want to show it. Life is strange, and because we are forced to do things like others expect it, even the unexpected things.
My mother, I love her really much whee when I answer the phone, then the first thing people ask 'is this Lilja?' (which is my mother, but everyone thinks I am her, because my voice must be very similar to hers x.x... )..
I like horror - Sci-fi movies (and my mom does too, I guess I get it from her X3) and vampire movies... werewolf stories, vampire stories (Anne Rice wink ) and many other stuff. I have always considered myself to be strange, because thats what people think I am, when they know me.... if they dont know me (and that means I dont really know them either) then they think Im that shy girl who draws pictures, but isnt on the Artist line (my 'friends' in the lunch room are telling me that they will push me on the artist line, but I left it already gonk learn nature stuff whee bugs... cant I be a bug specialist? it will be hard because Im bad with names... but I like bugs, strange creatures, and anything that wont kill me with a bite.... (but its good when my cat bites me o.o'..... those needles.. as long as he doesnt leave deep cuts... just the needles XD or whatever, if ya dont get it.... cats with needle claws, sting me and bite... [shivers] its good whee )
Candy: I like nugat (if thats right) and liquorice.... mostly salt liquorice... o.O..... candy, sugar high X3 can get hyper even without sugar goodness :3 I think I should eat less sugar.... it makes me feel strange, natrual hyperness is much more healthy whee
When I hear a good joke I laugh, when its not funny anymore I still laugh, because I will then remember something else which was funny, just to keep laughing, laughing is fun xd o.o'....
I cant watch supidly funny movies, I get scared to death sweatdrop
(atleast its hard for the first time I see each movie.... it wont matter if I watch it again.... o.O.. first time is scary gonk )
I like to draw (duh o.O!) dragons mostly whee anthro too, and animals.... humanoids... and stuff, but its hard to get myself to draw humans, just plain old humans, add elven ears or lil horns and I can do it o.o'... strange? probibly.... Im not saying I cant, just I cant get the interest to be able to draw it.... And the second least thing I like to draw is human faces, I usually leave the usual cross over their face (which shows the 'center' and eye line of the face) but Im trying to draw more of those things I dont like to draw so I wont think there is any problem with it any more XP and do you know what is the latest drawing style that has squeesed into my silly lil head.... drawing sexy pigs and naked dragons (ok... Im talking about anthros and there is NOTHING wrong with naked anthros... no more than ya think about a 'naked' dog or cat >.< but in some cases... it is o.o'.... next in line: sexual poses (what ninja its good practise, and Im sure the sexy lil females I draw are getting a bit lonely gonk .. I undestand, this isnt me, which is why I wont show the couple pictures any time soon, or they will put me on medication and ask if I was feeling like my usual self surprised eek [runs and hids] ) why am I saying this? because its easy to write rather than speak, things that go through my mind over and over again, when I say them they will run even more often through my mind, trying to think the whole thing over so I can 're-do' them over... I know its strange, but I really often reget 'how' I say things... I wonder why, I rarely think about changing their meaning, but how they come out is the thing I think about AFTER they have been said, so that whole lot of thinking never amounts to anything stressed )
I would want to be able to walk around, naked above waist, in cool/warm weathers (which isnt a big part of the year), if things were different, I like having a naked chest, do ya think thats strange!? do ya! whatever, you with your own mind.
my mind is open as a book with twisting lines and hidden meaning, litle order to things and a bit of strange things happening....
Wishlist: a split personality (a voice so I can talk to myself 3nodding ), being able to say STOP instead of just pushing away; like 'its nothing, but try not to go there', to be more open in puplic, THIS IS ME, why am I so shy on the out side. yeah, Im shy when getting to know people.
My step-father is such a pervert, in a hidden way, he uses all playfull oppertunities to pinch and reach to places where you dont wish or want his hands to be gonk (talking about between legs and tits xp ) I push away, scratch and bite (there is often blood) and its all 'part of the game'. Im sure he doesnt really see what he is doing, not truelly.... but its annoying.
Have you ever thought about things people are raced by, you could race your child up to be a hunter and a killer from early age, how you treat your childern while they grow up is how you shape them, use the oppertunity when their minds are still fresh and unprogramed, you know what I mean. Those moments even shape how you look at the world, what you consider right or wrong.... or in between...
I almost hope people who life close to me wont read this just to talk about it, writing is a totally different matter, I can write rather that speak, like I said before.
My real fater, he is/was philipian, (which tells ya I have pretty dark hair, and brown eyes o.o'.... and a bit darker skin than most). You can almost say he did things to me which were not serious, but you would never tell anyone you did those things to your children, because, its basicly just sick eek yeah, that baisicly sick stuff is basicly a bit sexual... 'our lil secret' darn it... very soon after he left I slowly strated to see how wrong those things were... gonk gonk gonk I know this sounds serious, but it wasnt, but puting yar lil kid under the planked while you watch television, just so she can suck yar d**k, come on! sad stare scream things you dont talk about, because they were too small to call serious, and to imberesing to be thought about, but its always been 'the thing he did, and could have skipped it' omg... now Im going in circles (and a few things I wont mention... not serious either, but they dont seem to come out right when written [sad face here, and angery lip biting thing]).... just kill me if you get this wrong, because this is my lil try to get this off my chest, without giving a damn, so basicly, its just something I want to say, I want someone to undestrand, but it isnt anything that would kill me.... exept if you do xp yes, it has troubled my mind to not tell anyone before... but the last time I saw him, I was 7 years old... and he promised to send a single letter (and guess what.. HE DIDNT scream ) screw him, that lil ********.. yeah, thats what he was!
My mom had one guy after he left, before she got with my step-father (she seems to find quite strange products in stores when looking for men, must have been on quite low sale surprised atlest thats what she sais 'I found them in the marked' xd ) and one night, when he was drunk he beated the hell out of her (I could her her say 'stop it' each time he hit her) her eyes were so swollen and omg, that night was never going to end... he looked at me and told me to go back to sleep.... yeah, and my mom looked at me too, a big sad, but she nodded, telling me to go... I could almost cry in anger, and sadness, I dont think I did. when he went out again, I went over to mom and gave her a hug, asking what I could do to help her. Somehow, later we were with the neighbor (her best friend had a daugher which is my best friend ) and he was banging an the door, wanting in, still drunk, and finally he (yes he) asked us to call the police.. I dont think I remember seeing him again after that, but Im sure I did, but I dont remember.... then she got up with my step-father o.o'... and he doesnt hit her, no he doest, but he curses alot and talks about 'should I beat you, you stupid lil ********' (which is what he says when hes angery at my lil brother, who he consideres stupid as hell its just sad, but you cant argue with him 'hes the all knowing', ******** him, just tell him to shut up, he talks like everything he sais is right, the true thing, the facts, and he gets stuborn and annoying, just like a small child (and he's 50 for christs sake).... but hes giving, and can be kind, but he can be annoying, naive and mad as hell gonk made me cry ones, because of his childish ness, blaiming me because he ones gave me money to take 4 kids with me to the movies, and when we got there the tickets were sold out, and we ALL didnt want to go home if there was any other good movie around. So we went on another movie, and we all liked it, when we get home he is angery and yelling and saying I should repay him the money because it wasnt what he was paying for, and that I let them all down because I knew how much they all wanted to see that movie we were going to see, omg.. if this wasnt the reality we live in, that we cant do things without anything happening, we dont actually grow fangs and fur in that way to kill and eat and do whatever we want in anger.... I cried, yeah, I cried, and he stood there in the other room with his hands crossed and a big frown across his face, mom talking to him as if he was a freaking baby being stuborn...
I hope this is enough for the moment (this is the most things that have gone though my mind while writing this, and NO, I didnt plan anything exept to write what I liked, darn it... darn it.. ok... Helv�s anskotans fjandakorni𮮮. fokkings fjᲡnum.... and any mixed curses...
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erotic, not exotic... fruits are exotic
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