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Lady Ancient
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 @ 01:38am

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	Never forgetting the past... I hate when people can't forget mistakes in the past... I do not mean forgiving, or completely forgetting, but knowing when to never bring it up again. People need to stop bringing up things that are not needed. My mother needs a lesson in this... I know when I was younger, I had gone through abuse and become clinically depressed. I had become suicidle and I had cut myself to feel something when I felt nothing... She yelled at me over a tiny confusion with what we were going to order today from a chinese resturant... Idiotic, hm? So I walk off cause she won't listen to me, and I don't feel like having her yell at me. And when I get upset I don't feel like eating, so when she came back and continued on, I told her I wasn't hungry and to forget it, I didn't feel like ordering anymore. So she goes off saying that I'm going to tell everyone she's the worst mother in the world and that she starves me and that I'll cut my wrists. And that hurt most over everything... That she thinks I am no better then someone who cuts their wrists over anything... I havent cut in over a year... And when she says that, the temption comes back. Not because I'm sad or depressed or over the fight, but because that's as much as she thinks of me... It makes me want to become what she thinks I am... And it hurts.... It hurts a lot that my own mother can think so little of me...

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[~Lam~]
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Commented on: Mon Feb 12, 2007 @ 06:17am


	I'm sorta in a simliar position as you are... Hmm... Strangely, My Parents were yelling at me today as well... Well Mostly my Mom... My Dad kept saying I was worthless and even if I have all this ability, I'm too lazy to use it... He starts to compare me to my 2 year old niece and then my Mom cuts in saying all this stuff to put pity on myself... That I'm not good enough and I must be better and Better... I understand this is the way I am raised and that this is the way, I am to grow up in my parents' eyes... Also this entire thing happened at a Chinese Restruarant too... And I also didn't want to eat... I didn't leave the table because that would seem very strange and I was crying too... sigh My Mom then goes on and on how I'm always on the internet and well, she barely finds time to talk to me.. She rarely asks how I'm doing and what not and my Dad just basically gives up on me... Yeah... That's what he did when he locked me out of the house on a snow day when I was 10... >< (It's mainly now the reason why I don't like snow much more... I did love it when I first came here since it almost never snowed in Hong Kong but the second time it was a big Snow here, that was when my dad locked me out of the house) Never going to forget that... I wouldn't call that abuse but it's just something that I have to live with... I don't get pity from others... I just have to suck it up and move on... Show them that one day they will regret doing all this to you... Prove that you are not what they say... Oh I'm such the rebel XD... Anyways, yeah, Sorry to make this even more sad.. .Mom isn't letting me come to the party but.... I'm going to make this up with something... You'll find out^^

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