Parents and counclers..
I have realize that parents do nothing more then place blame upon us and want the worst of us. They seem to try to make us so great, but they never seem to understand just exactly what they are doing. They try to get us to see the reality in the world by yelling and screaming at us. Yet, in reality, all they are doing is making us feel so terrible and believe that people are just out there to hurt us. They are what make us not trust anyone. Sure, some people are not supposed to be trusted, but when you can't even trust your best friend, somethings gone wrong.
My mother won't listen to me anymore, she won't let me explain why I don't want marvin on my computer. She doesn't get that it makes me feel untrusted and it makes me feel that I must be so terrible that maybe I should do these things to show them that maybe I'm not worth trusting. And when I can't even trust myself, how can I trust other people.
Parents seem to think everything they do is right. They seem to think that we make all the mistakes, but people forget that many times we are raised off how our parents raise us. Because of my dad, and how much depression and stress I have gone to, those stupid words of "I love you" only scare me away.
I don't believe anyone can love me, not even my own family. Love just seems to scare me, because I believe that if they say that, when they hurt me, it'll hurt so much more...
And here's a fact I've notice about my mother, she is so pissy about me talking to counclers. I mean, come on, what is wrong with that!? It helps me get the s**t off my chest!
My mother wont admit that I might be getting an eating problem, or know that I cut my arm up again! She doesn't see my stress, she only sees a maid. Does she know, my only meal today was of 4 pieces of buttered toast and a slice of cheese? Does she care? NO! She doesn't give a rats a** about how I feel!
I'm slowly losing my mind! I havent been hugged in awhile either... And when I am hugged, I don't feel it. I don't feel like she means it...
Counclers are helpful. I talked to mine for an hour today and got a bunch of s**t off my chest. I felt better, someone listened. I even got to rest for 20 minutes after I took my test in 3rd period because I was so stressed.
Counclers help, they do what they can. And if the councler is good, will keep it confidential like they should. Mrs white is nice, she listens, she jokes, she tries to keep me happy. She says I can come in every few weeks to chat if I need too...
Counclers, while they cant fix everything, atleast they listen... They let us rant and cry and they don't judge us or think we're just there for attention. They know how we feel, they want to help... They don't do what parents do... They, while not in the same technical sense, they care...
