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What have I done?
{Feeling like...A terrible person}
{Music//none}
I lied to my best friend. Why? I wanted to tell her about a boy because I thought she could advise me. But I didn't want to tell her how I met him. I knew she'd be more than critical. My beloved best friend, my other and better half, doesn't know about Gaia. She doesn't know the amount of time I spend here, or the importance of the people I've met. I know she'd be so negative about it. There's parts of me I don't feel safe showing to her, which is pathetic.
I <i>lied</i>. I hate myself so much for it. I should have told her the truth, that I met some people from the internet. She has friends on the internet I know she wants to meet, though she didn't meet them through anything as bizarre as Gaia. She wouldn't have judged me, she would have been critical because I put my safety at risk by going through with the meeting. And now I want a face to face friendship with one of the people I met.
I told her, "I went to the library Saturday morning, to do research".
That's what I told my parents, too. I told my best friend, who I should trust more than anyone in the world, and my parents, who I don't even give the time of day anymore, the same lie?
She even asked me how we got talking, and I kept lying.
Sometime, I'm going to have to rectify this. I want to see where things go with this friendship, if it's going to be worth mentioning in the future. But I know I need to tell her the truth soon.
Liz has lied to me once. She said "My brother flatlined". She didn't say he was revived. Her brother is a cocaine addict and when he flatlined, he did become dead to her. A couple months later, she told me he'd been revived in the hospital, and he was still around, somewhere on the streets. Liz told that lie to just about everyone, some people only found out recently that he wasn't dead. That was a lie she told to protect herself; she didn't want anything more to do with her brother, she didn't want her friends to ask about him, she didn't want him to be a burden on her or them.
I lied because I'm a nerd who has a life on the internet that's almost as important as her real life friends.
I hate myself.
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Community Member
Sometimes it's necessary to lie or keep secrets because you know that they couldn't understand. What else can you do? When the truth hurts everyone, should it really be told?
Hopefully people will understand. It's your life, and there's nothing wrong with the way you're living it if you're healthy and satisfied. So make a life that you truly appreciate and live it proudly.