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Gummi bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere!
{Feeling like...A freak on a leash (*shrug*)}
{Music//Gummi Bears Theme Song}
Last night I had a mini-mental-break-down over my friends, because I got the feeling they didn't really want me around. My friends are my biggest insecurity, as illogical as that is. But I care about them more than anything, they're the only people who's opinions affect me. Turns out I was over reacting, and we had a great night at Golden Gardens.
Golden Gardens is just a beach on Puget Sound, but it's one of the nicest places to go even during the winter. With a bonfire and a beer, it doesn't get much better. I enjoyed some of Ninja Tim's whiskey, and two beers, before the cops came to announce that the park was closed.
This is where I wish Gaia had a feature like Livejournal Cuts, so I could hide the sappy part, and warn people. This is your only warning.
The night was pretty uneventful, except for the half hour or so I shared with my exboyfriend as we drove back to my house to pick up an XBOX controller. I think, though I'm not sure, we shared a moment. When he got out of the car, he gave me a hug, and I said, "You never hug me when you're sober anymore". It's strange to go from being so close to someone, you don't leave their presence with out an embrace, to as cold and distant as we are these days. He apologized, and promised to do so more often.
Let me tell you something about AJ and me. We dated, for one whole entire whopping month. When you've known someone for three years, one month usually doesn't stick out like this. But I sincerely loved him, and when he dumped me everything else went downhill in my life. I went in to the worst depression I've experienced, not solely because of him, but losing him was certainly a catalyst. It was the straw that broke the camel's back.
We hardly talked for a year, and when we did something dramatic always happened (like getting caught with a half gallon of whiskey and 30 empty bottles of beer in my basement by my parents, or drunkenly hooking up and then realizing what an awful mistake we'd made to play into the feelings of the past). But after a while it became impossible to avoid each other. We had mutual friends, who were, to their credit, trying not to make the situation worse by forcing us in contact with each other. Eventually we talked about it, and the healing began.
But it didn't bring us any closer. Last night as we shared stories of our roleplaying adventures in 7th grade (something we'd never ever admit to any of our other friends), talking as freely as if nothing had ever happened between us, I got the feeling things were... better. It was a moment.
Then I came home, and by chance found old journals from shortly after our breakup. And after three years, I found closure.
ROCK ON! *raves with her techno gummy bears*
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