Hey long time no talk...
Things have been kinda crazy lately. I have been through a lot it seems but its insane how its been handled. I mean loss of lives, gained love, lost friends, fights with no end. It makes no sense....Maybe to some people it does, add me if you know what I mean....I am madly in love with a man who ive loved for literally three years non stop. Only problem is he doesn't live anywhere close to me and he loves me back. So i get to graduate early next year woot woot! But troubling me is the fact he choses to leave me half the time.....I am not so sure that I can take much more of it.....I might just have to give everything up for him....which sounds like a plan but it hurts still. How can you expect me to keep a smile on my face when in one conversation you tell me I wouldn't approve of your "girly friends" not to be confused with "girl-friend" and then come back in a week or so to tell me your hanging out with them and giggling and laughing. Then I am surely not going to approve correct? Maybe i've blown this out of conrtol. He has a life and as do I. He told me b4 we got together that he thought that flirting was kinda like cheating so I turned off my every control to flirt. So I dont do it. End of story, no more flirting just for this one guy. I've never done that before. That must mean I care alot about him ya? I guess, doesn't take the pain away that he still might do it and not know he's doing it. Ya thats it.... he just didn't realize it......Or maybe he did and now he feels guilty? I dont know anymore...All I know is I love him and I can't seem to figure out anything without him my mind gets cloudy, I dont sleep good without him. But i've gone weeks without him before, those should have killed me. He makes me cry bc i know he is to good for me.. I apologize way to much and I anger him. But he'll never raise his hand or voice at me though I deserve it more then he thinks. I have several guys around me who are decent and like me....None of them are him he is the only one I think about all day long when I wake up, and when I go to sleep. I'm not sure what to do. For once the one who gives advice is asking for it. Anyone who can offer it add me or message me or anything. I am still in love with him thats never going to fail. His eyes, his heart they all say I love you too. But does his brain and his body say it? A wise person once told me that your ment to be with would do anything to be with you at all times of the day, all hours of the night and in every moment without you. SO far he is still hanging with his girly friends and Im still crushed in love with the one person that makes me smile more then any normal person. So im sitting here writing this for no reason I guess since he'll never read it and if he does would he even know I was hurt or crying while writing or thinking about it. I am not sure but I guess I'll never know now will I? bc right now he isn't home and I am alone and he called me busy with her and them, and so now I got all pissy his reaction was well your not talking to me so I'll call you later. I wanted to be like "YA WELL FINE GO HANG OUT WITH THE GIRLS NEAR YOU." and hang up...but I didn't. Im not jealous...If I was jelly then I would be much worse Im upset bc they get to do what I've been dreaming of for 3 years and my chances of doing it keep getting farther and farther away, I dont know if he thinks about me all day, I dont know if he even notices when he starts talking about his girly friends and him that i stop smiling and my eyes fill with tears. But that doesn't matter now Im okay for the moment and I'm not to sure how to solve it yet as you can see Im still typing. So how to tame a wild man?? Dont ask me bc he tamed me from all my tainted ways yet his still remain.
[img:6c9e644d8e]http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p36/slick1993/Sayings/music.png[/img:6c9e644d8e][img:6c9e644d8e]http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p36/slick1993/Sayings/thwildside.gif[/img:6c9e644d8e][img:6c9e644d8e]http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p36/slick1993/Sayings/icon_everything.gif[/img:6c9e644d8e]
 Suka_love · Thu Sep 24, 2009 @ 06:14pm · 0 Comments |
