&& yes, it's another one of those entries because I am bored out of my mind. I was supose to be going to busch today, Jillian just never comes through. Our friendship is always on rocks when it comes to her. Like, I've never told her anything or promised her anything that I could'nt do. Yet, she does it all the time. It's those certain secrets that kinda' blow up when I tell her. I had a dream last night that I was walking through the forest over here. There was a guy in a blue jersey stalking me, he stayed his distance, but he still followed me. When I picked up on him, I did not stop running, nor did I turn to look back to see if he had began running too. The other day, my dream was that I was on a cliff, about 250ft off ground level. I was looking over the edge thinking if I should jump or not. It looked like the water was pretty deep and I might die or sink really far down if I jump. I was'nt alone, it was another chick there that was a close friend of mine. She decided not to jump because she was scared. So. I Jumped, I was falling, but felt no certain way. and then when I hit the water, it was shallow, I was'nt hurt or anything, I just sat there, laughing about how scared I was about the possibilties. I had my own interpretation on this, yet it could mean more than one thing. Whatever it is, I do'nt want to have either dreams ever again. I called him last night. Answering machine, several times. It took like so much for me to even dial his number, and he has no idea I called. Probably on the phone with his, 'sunshine'. I'm not jelous, I just want him for myself. The possibilities of that on a scale 1-10 is maybe a 1.2 only because distance is such a hoe. I ca'nt believe Cj wo'nt even see me on MY birthday, you know, his god sister, and we've been like tight since the day I was born, because him and his girlfriend's lil whatever is on my birthday. I'm happy for him, but punk, I do'nt give an eff if I'm his real sister or not, I still rock the tittle. I've always had his back, no matter how dumb the mess was that he did, so, why play games now? I got him though. Because we plan on hangin' on the 19th next month anyways. That's really long from now, but not really because once my birthday comes around, it'll be gucci:] Ehh, I must figure out why I ca'nt excell to that level with that boy. Not my god brother. But the other guy. Maybe it's the fact that he's either really faithful, or I'm just not trying hard enough. No, Jada dos'nt try. I'd bring a blade to his throat if I could, just for the fact that I can. His birthday is 3 days after mines. It's going to be on a sunday. I do say, I wish I could be there, in Mississippi, I would'nt care how I got there, I'd be like SURPRISE! He'd be like and you are? I'd tell him Jada, then we'd fall in love like whoa! Ha, me and my dreams. Or it'd be like that cop and the lady that almost got murdered in the book. "We're just friends is all?" "I think thats all we can be for right now," "That's good" "Yea, it's great" Like, she was married for 3 years and ish. Yet she lost her memory and every thought that was dear to her about her husband. I think it was that, she felt as though she could hold on to the cop. I feel as though I can hold on the him. He dos'nt feel the same though, because he's a realist-a person willing to face facts and to give in to what is necessary. I promise, the day I graduate consider me a nomad, because I'm staying in one spot, just find someone on the other side of the world, where I ca'nt go. Still, marrying a japanese has benefits. Marrying christian him would have it's benefits too. ha, nice to think about sometimes.
Jayy_Roxx Community Member 
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