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This is a dedication to one of the best comedians to ever grace this galaxy. I swear if he was here I'd kill to go to one of his shoes. Mitch hedburg...I cant visit you in hell, but i'll see you when the world comes to an end. Maybe then I'd be able to tell jokes with you. Here are some of his best jokes.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here

I ordered a chicken sandwich but I think the waitress misunderstood me because she said, "How would you like your eggs?" So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said "Incubated, and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked and then cut up then put onto a grill then put onto a bun. s**t, it's gonna take awhile. I don't have time, scrambled!"

Tony the tiger thinks s**t is great. Thats all I got. I ordered two little boxes of frosted flakes for room service, it cost $37.50! On the box Tony the tiger was going "they're ******** expensive!

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts. And he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, "******** that, I'll just make a copy."

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-b***h! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? "