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I didn't see it coming. I didn't even feel Corvus there. Her attacking me, and Raveena suffocating me, so quick and synchronized...I didn't have time to react or counter-react.
Desmond was there. I didn't want him to see me die. Between him and Noah, I'd rather die than him. I only vaguely remember the look on his face, but it slipped away. He was the last thing I really remember focusing on. I very much...respect him. He is kind, his concern for me continues to shock me more and more. It is a wonderful reprieve for being hated for...what I am. I feel a sense of connection with him, for what we had been through with Noah and the Guild. I was more surprised to see him wield Water; that will always be a fond memory.
I hope he will destroy those two, and never look back.
I find myself in a familiar place...I have reached the Third Gate. It seems as though I radiate with a sense of energy I cannot quite put a finger on. It is drawing things towards me, from the Eighth Gate forward. I once-thought I would find my two children here; frantic thoughts of a mother who has realized she killed them.
I searched for their souls...I tried to revive them, to bring them back...but they had already passed through the Ninth Gate and gone Beyond. To this day it still kills me that I ruined my own life. Walking this path; being a murderer once, and trying to repent for it. Do I deserve the cushion I've lived on? I have food, friends, a roof over my head. I was well educated, I have necessities and useless luxuries.
Why did I wind up on this path? Every day I have battled the same relentless demons of my past, and have yet to quail them. Deep down, I feel that there is no hope for me, and yet I still push onward. What awaits me at the end? Retribution? Forgiveness? Perhaps I move onward to seek these answers, and rest peacefully, or otherwise. Fate is a tricky thing.
What is this life? Is it truly what we make of it? I feel the cold, rushing waters of Death wanting to sweetly coax me into wandering onward. I want to go. I am tired of the unsettling pain in my chest. How many lives did I take? Why did OXY create me to destroy? Always the same pattern of questions. It gets old, and after centuries of living, you begin to stop caring.
I am the Fourth House Representative of the Zodiac Council.
My name is Raveena Lavendra Senaria, and I was born of Royalty.
When I was just three, a destiny that was not my own was forced upon me.
When I was just three, I lay waste to my entire Kingdom.
I was exiled and banished
OXY discovered me.
OXY destroyed me.
OXY recreated me.
I was no longer Raveena, but Raven. They called me XOK-4: Raven.
I obeyed.
They taught me the Pentalaws of Guardianship.
They trained me to kill without hesitation.
They trained me how to Guard well.
They trained me to kill or be killed.
I met a man named J7-266Z. His name was Alan.
Alan forced me to see a truth I denied.
Alan and I escaped from that world.
Alan and I went our separate ways.
I discovered life.
I discovered love.
I discovered passion.
I married a skilled man.
I bore him two beautiful children.
I found happiness in my life.
I became a diplomat.
I involved myself in politics.
I ruled over my clans carefully.
I became successful as a spy-master.
I earned the respect of my family and allies.
I became a powerful figure of influence.
I destroyed my life.
I killed a threat to my family.
I killed my two children too.
I lost the love of my husband.
I gained the fear of those around me.
I lost myself to the cold numbness.
I felt a darkness inside of me.
I didn't care.
I went on many adventures.
I trained with many good comrades
We created a force known as the Zodiac Council.
We became Astral Virtue Guardians.
I seek answers...perhaps that is why I went to the Guild in the first place. And I lost my life there. Perhaps here in Death I will meet the ghosts of the people I killed, and wonder if they will forgive me or hate me for it. I wonder if the people who have been kind will ever know the truth...the very core destruction of what I have done to those I have killed. How I brutally massacred them in numbers, or picked them off in singles like it was some sick game.
I wonder in my mind...
...I wonder in this River...
...somehow, I feel Naota and Naori are beckoning me to come home...
 Aizen Teresaga · Fri May 01, 2009 @ 08:28am · 0 Comments |
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