blahhh.
i just miss you as a friend.
i'm thinking it's my fault.
but then, you're a careless friend.
that's kind of offensive, but it's really just your nature.
i know that.
i know you, and i know that.
but. i still miss you as a friend.
and i know... i mean,
i remember, i remember what you said.
i'm just holding on to it.
the point of the matter is,
i mean really, what it comes down to,
is that i tried. i tried, and fate still won't make it happen.
so this is where our roads go. separated.
i just hope they rejoin one day.
it'll take time's course.
we'll see, we'll see.
wherever this road takes me, i just hope it takes me to you, one day,
even if it's years,
even if we've changed.
just that hope.
but if it doesn't,
i know wherever i go,
it'll be for the best.
my life is going down such a bright road, and i know that.
it really, really is.
- - -
guess what.
in the past two weeks that i've been off dls,
i've probably been through the cycle with shanice three or four times.
LOL.
what a b*****d, man.
i hate her.
actually, i love her.
shanice is crazy a** s**t.
i get so tired,
and then it's perfect.
seriosuly.
and tired to the point where i'm pulling my hair out, luls.
oh my gosh.
and i'm taking shanice to her senior prom.
our senior prom.
LOL.
i don't care if me and jess are still together, or if i have another girlfriend.
i'm taking ******** shanice lmfao.
- - -
oh my gosh, i forgot.
okay, three things.
one, i went to jess's friend's friend's party.
LMFAO.
it was like... a bunch of random people.
because anyone was invited.
god, everyone was grinding on each other and drinking and yelling.
it was hysterical.
it was a lot like homecoming.
it was a lot of fun. (:
last saturday, i went to kylea's partyyyy. (:
oh my god, i love that girl. biggrin
she keeps on saying how cute i am and how amazing i am beyond reason?
aw, so cute.
me and her definitely have a great friendship.
i love kylea, she's my mentor man.
we don't even share classes anymore, and yet she still tried to make time with me by coming to lunch and stuff and...
aw, she's just amazing. (:
seriously, how could david not be in love with her?
david is SHOOTING HIMSELF IN THE FOOT.
kylea is an amazing, amazing girlfriend,
and person.
if you're not satisfied with kylea,
hell, there's so many boys that would want to be in your position.
god. david does not know what he even has!
third,
s**t, what was third.
oh yeah. oh my ******** god.
... okay, so.
LOL. STEPH VISITED THE SCHOOL.
... yes. why, yes she did.
lmfao.
i can't even like, describe, the moment, in... in detail.
it was just.
like, a sunny day, kind of a pleasant chilly breeze in the air...
i was walking to fourth period, very carefree,
and i hear my name.
and i see a face.
and it's her voice, and
it's her face.
and just oh my god dls.
it wasn't romantic,
or painful,
just so, pleasant?
just a pleasant surprise.
just... wow. it felt great, great seeing her.
she looked gorgeous.
and i wish i could have taken the moment to talk to her more.
... she said, "wow.. your hair. oh my god. damn! you're hot."
HAHA.
yeah.
but, that's only a plus.
really, it was nice seeing her.
yeah.
i just..
yeah.
yeah. (:
oh, and a fourth thing.
candace is ******** awesome, lmfao.
i hope we somehow become closer friends.
in fifth period, we "flirt all across the room" lmfao.
ha. (:
she's hysterical.
- - -
"you have a spot for him."
"yeah, i think i do."
- - -
promise not to tell?
maybe this is the solution to it all.
- - -
It's me. It's me. Don't you remember me?
Do you know who I am anymore?
Do you know who we were anymore?
I'm the same you used to know.
It's me.
- - -
what did i mean?
what did i mean?
i was talking about dorian that day, for heaven's sakes.
yes.
her.
again.
and it's done, now,
finally,
forever,
because,
BECAUSE,
because...
because what did i say?
i said i'm washing my hands.
i'm washing my hands of this.
of everything.
no more sensitivity.
no more reach.
i'm gone.
- - -
i just texted shanice in all capitals.
now i'm asking.
and if you can't come over,
i'm going to your house.
either telling my dad i'm just at the corner,
or,
or,
i don't know.
getting jess or becca to drive me.
- - -
i need answers.
i need answers.
i'm about to make such a shitty decision,
and i'm watching myself do it,
and i don't want to have to struggle,
out of that hole,
again.
no.
no.
she won't make me.
she can't.
nobody can.
- - -
decision.
mistake.
talk too much.
decision.
mistake.
talk too much.
what if i'm making a big deal out of nothing?
god!
we need to talk.
WE NEED TO TALK.
you're the only person that can just, set me straight.
not here.
not on the phone.
in person.
come after the game.
or whatever.
idk.
call me back.
GRR.
and this has gone on for so long.
we.
need.
to talk.
- - -
i didn't have to post it.
it's okay like this, now.
because it's out there.
here.
out here.
and just that release is fulfilling enough.
- - -
amidst my underlying like,
srsness,
i am laughing so hard right now.
- - -
i still scream at night, sometimes, about it.
that's how bad.
that's how bad.
- - -
LOLOL.
BLAHH BLAHH BLAHH.
omg, i'm shooting myself in the foot.
i am shooting myself in the foot.
wouccaw ylf ha tbode, samao.
- - -
idk, idfk.
it's right.
it's wrong.
it's right.
- - -
this is what happens when you don't come over after school,
and we PUT OFF TALKING ABOUT SOMETHNG VERY IMPORTANT
AM ABOUT TO MAKE BAD DECISION NOW LOLK.
i'm gonna blame you, lmfao.
and then shoot holes in my justification of blaming you.
ert dnum syrmumdm yw dzy fiha ur-ayoh-wesi icilirdm.
ert u mducc-
u mducc...
u,
kyt.
ayo wiic my kyyt.
time to play a boston song.
- - -
i've said to much,
and i've crossed the line.
she gon' be maddddd.
i feel it.
i feel it in my veins.
a feeling that's been there since two yesterdays.
it's so... so... fiery. so good. so confident. so strong.
mm...
- - -
yn... yn...
nyz u... u zyoct cyfi... dy mea.
not for any incentive,
but for myself.
it would be,
just,
it would feel so good.
- - -
amy: how often do you see me>?
me: when i want to
me: like
amy: that isn't creepy or anything haha
me: i can see you if i look in a direction
me: OH
me: my bad!
me: its not like that haha
amy: haha
me: i mean i can
me: nevermind
me: it is weird
amy: I get it
- - -
retarded in love.
i hate what i'm doing.
- - -
yeah,
and i ******** wrote two ******** pages about what it was.
because maybe i was going to ******** give it to you.
because maybe it COULDDD MEAAAN SOMETTHINGG.
dumb ******** mistake, rachelle.
that was ******** stupid.
of course not.
******** myself.
ugh, whatever.
i'm just in a bad mood.
i swear to god this is just because of a lack of ******** overload of serotonin yesterday.
and i swear to god yesterday felt like absolute bliss.
that night.
it was so ******** overwhelming.
my entire body was ******** orgasming or some s**t.
like a cop-out of an ecstacy user.
except it wasn't ecstacy.
so uitw ya.
- - -
give me back my pride.
or leave me in that moment forever.
- - -
"fro yna oui dymgehk du sa bycd 2, yht hud zacc?"
"fro yna oui dymgehk du sa bycd 2, yht hud zacc?"
"fro yna oui dymgehk du sa bycd 2, yht hud zacc?"
"fro yna oui dymgehk du sa bycd 2, yht hud zacc?"
'lyica e's cdibet.
e's cdibet.
e's cu vilgehk cdibet.
cdibet yht eh vilgehk muja.
- - -
what am i supposed to ******** do?
no, it wasn't relieved.
i thought it was, even after telling people, and ******** writing about it, and dreaming about it,
but it won't be,
i won't be,
i won't feel clean.
i won't feel relieved until you know.
but i don't want you to know.
i don't want those consequences,
no,
not ******** again.
- - -
vunkad ed.
e's hud dymgehk du oui.
e tuh'd lyna ev ed vaamc vilgehk 'kuut'.
ed'c zicd y muyt uv vilgehk cred eh dra aht.
yht caaehk ruf dra kuuthacc ec vytehk yfyo,
ed'c hud vilgehk fundr ed yhosuna.
so ******** it.
- - -
"you can't get off until I talk to you."
- - -
who would i be, if i weren't me?
i don't think i'd like me.
- - -
leaf, jess, becca and shanice totallyyy make my day. (:
hell, candace too.
and maybe you.
i want you to know that,
and honestly, i've been begging for answers that you and only you can give to me.
a voice crying loud, ive been crying for days now.
and as I start to run, i stop to breathe.
and i was nearly scared to death why you left in paragraphs.
the words were nearly over us.
you stop and turn and grab your bags.
tell me once again that you'll love me to the death
and should I die, you swear that you will come for me,
and as I fade away, you'll reach out your hand.
- - -
"e tuh’d lyna fryd drao cyo. e’s eh muja fedr oui.
yht trao dno du bimm sa yfyo."
YES, THEY DO.
and it's true.
it's true,
and it's the only thing i need.
it's obsolete.
it's overcoming.
none of the rest matters,
because of the fact that that is true.
and it's just funny, too.
that they do it.
and i rebel.
for this.
and, who would i be, if i never put my heart first?
without my warm heart and hopeless romantics.
and my crazy humor.
and my spontaneity.
i did what i did,
and i don't regret it, any of it, at all.
because ed syo ryja rind,
oui syo ryja paah y creddo kenmvneaht,
and the equation just points so wrong,
but it's so right.
it's right.
no-- this is me.
this is who i am.
and i'm not going to ******** change.
and i won't regret having done so.
"nu syddan fryd oui cyo ypuid muja e gaab lusehk pylg vun suna.
e kaab so ryht eh dra vena. cuuhan un mydan i kad fryd i's ycgehk vun."
e tuh'd lyna ypuid dra rind.
e tuh'd lyna ypuid dra nacimd.
un dra meac.
drec ec vun dra sasuno.
drec ec vun dra muja.
drec ec vun ic.
i won't play my life safe, afraid.
i live every day.
and look how far i've come.
- - -
LOOOLLL.
am laughing SO HARD RIGHT NOW.
"how do you feel?"
"i dunno. i'm half and half."
"then i'm coffee and sugar." biggrin
i'm ******** cheesy, but i don't ******** care. (:
- - -
[23:13] rachellethrash: do you want it tonight?
[23:14] distant_hana: yes, if you can
[23:14] rachellethrash: do you want me to give it to you now?
[23:14] distant_hana: uh huh
[23:14] distant_hana: pleasee
[23:14] rachellethrash: where do you want it?
- - -
hot desire.
whimpering uncontrollably with need.
writhing.
moaning.
her tongue explored inside me slowly, but passionately.
oh my god.
my v****a.
is so,
so soaking wet.
ahh i'm ******** horny.
mm... i love this smell.
god, it feels so hot,
so good,
so warm...
mmmm...
just let me take over your body,
and kiss you on your neck,
and ******** you with my fingers.
- - -
these past three/four days have been extremely...
- - -
cusadrehk cu naym e fyc
kmyt du veht
yht vaam.
yht gaab,
vun y desa.
- - -
lyh e nacecd oui?
fro e hajan cruimt ryja cdyndat.
yht e's vekrdehk,
vekrdehk socamv.
- - -
girls are ******** sexy.
i like girls.
i love a girl.
i ******** girls.
i touch girls.
i kiss girls.
girls kiss me.
i'm a ******** lesbian. (:
- - -
youuuuuuu.
you.
you.
you.
you.
you.
you.
you.
you.
you...
oh, you.
you.
you.
- - -
and if i could only let myself release the words hanging off the edge of my lips.
it's hard to resist every time we talk.
or i'll let go of the temptation altogether.
- - -
kisses.
ecstacy.
sex.
epinephrine.
eyes.
crave.
cigarettes.
hands.
- - -
easy is the sun.
- - -
when i look at you,
i see nothing genuine there.
- - -
i hope you never leave.
and if you do,
come back.
- - -
cra drehgc dryd e's vimm uv ed.
ynkisahdc, always beccat, syh e's denat.
ajano gecc dryd e seccat,
kenm oui ghuf e's dnoehk.
- - -
don't leave the florida without me.
i couldn't stand not having my you one block away,
or one drive.
there's a strong sense of comfort knowing that you want to leave as much as i do.
if only i could take the two of you along.
i'd never want to take you away from your dream,
but maybe you'll leave your dream for me
because i am who you dream of.
because that's the way it always was for me.
pid e ghuf dryd'c fnuhk.
palyica ev oui fana femmehk du lryhka,
oui fuimt ryja tuha cu huf.
but change is slow, and the years ahead of you and i are many.
we'll see how fate goes.
i want it to be the way i want,
but whatever way it goes i'll love.
i just.
i just.
don't... leave.
don't leave.
and if you leave,
come back to me.
- - -
e ghuf oui yht e femm hajan cdub mujehk aylr udran.
caa, oui'na so cuim syda.
yht fradran fa'na dukadran un hud,
tuach'd syddan.
oui ymfyoc lysa pylg.
e ymfyoc lysa pylg.
e's cdemm dnoehk du lusa pylg.
with every fiber in my being,
i mean this.
it almost fills me with a direction.
- - -
three.
three.
three.
that's all i need.
god,
that's all i need.
don't give me her.
don't give me money.
don't give me health,
god,
if you don't give me anything,
give me those three.
i need them.
my life means nothing if it's not with them.
and if you don't,
i'll ******** take it for myself.
because i can do anything.
i can make this happen.
and whether it's for the bad,
or for the good,
i know this is the life i need to live.
this is it.
it's almost...
it's almost what i live for.
- - -
i don't need a happy life.
i just need the life that's right for me.
and knowing that i am what i'm supposed to be,
that i'm doing what i'm destined to do,
living what i'm destined to do, in the life, in this world,
my role,
would give me a satisfaction and fulfillment greater than any happiness.
thank god the life that's right for me just might be the one that makes me happy, too.
- - -
you slept safe and close to me.
we couldn't stay apart for long.
and the time i held you,
before you stepped off my doorway to meet your ride home,
remember the words i said to you that evening.
i know you could never forget me,
but maybe you could let go.
- - -
i've become fairly familiar with the ways of your heart.
- - -
i was born to leave my mark in your life.
i was born to make the changes made.
you are my responsibility.
you are my love.
you are my care.
- - -
one more time to say that i've loved you always,
to the death.
i want you to know i'm letting love find a way.
- - -
in those little moments of fast paces and glances,
i lost my breath.
- - -
when it finally escapes my thoughts, my heart will shine.
it's only weighing my down.
- - -
it's a high ride.
- - -
when it comes, don't lose your composure.
i know i won't.
and when i hide myself away,
i'd reveal all the broken pieces.
god,
i hate you so mother ******** much.
- - -
you've got knives?
i've got guns.
and ********,
i'll shoot you down in this war.
you'll never hurt me again.
- - -
"what did you call me about last night?"
"i don't care anymore. just talk to me."
- - -
i don't get pleasure out of revenge.
- - -
oh my godddd.
your giggle is so ******** cute.
you're cute.
god, i love it.
- - -
THIS SONG PUTS ME IN A ROMANTIC MOOD.
god, i so want to make out right now.
with you.
because you kiss so ******** good.
my head gets so blurry, baby.
mmm.
i want you so bad.
cuddling and kissing.
and sex.
lmfao.
yes.
oh, and the cigarettes.
whooo.
everytime i smoke one, it naturally triggers a thought of your kisses. (:
haha because you're a smoker.
- - -
naym vilgehk calnad:
e cdemm lyh'd pameaja oui dinhat pecaqiym, yht dryd oui tydat res.
tet e cdnyekrdah oui uid? fyc ed sa? fyc e hajan ahuikr?
e vaam mega e tuh'd ghuf oui yhosuna.
yht ed'c cilr y dinh-uvv, pecaqiymedo.
e tuh'd ghuf fro.
e kiacc palyica e vamm eh muja fedr oui yc y macpeyh.
yht huf... ed'c zicd hud dra cysa.
ed clynac sa.
e fyhd oui du mega kenmc.
e lyh'd lusbada fedr kioc.
e tuh'd ghuf.
e vaam ehvaneun du kioc...?
etvgggg.
e tuh'd vilgehk drehg dryd'c ed.
dra buehd uv dra syddan ec: ed rindc.
ed'c tisp yht cdibet yht e lyh'd ajah vilgehk buehd uid dra naycuh.
yht e cfayn du kut, e luimt ryja caah oui tyda yht tyda kenm yvdan kenm, yht
vamm eh muja, yht ryt caq,
pid ed fuimth'd ryja rind yc
SILR YC ED TET CAAEHK OUI ZICD -TYDA- Y KIO OUI -TETH'D- VILG YHT -TETH'D- VYMM VUN.
kut.
e tuh'd ghuf.
e fyhd du ghuf fro e vaam drec fyo.
e ghuf ed ech'd y syddan uv "paehk cdnyekrdahat uid."
palyica e ghuf ed lyh'd pa sa.
yht e ghuf fryd fa ryt.
pid kut.
ed'c.
ed'c vnekrdahehk.
e tuh'd fyhd oui mega drec.
- - -
ra fyc yh ikmo ycc lihd
fru ryt cred-ycc knayco pamuf-dra-cruimtanc ryen dryd fyc
dreh yht linmo
yht fa fymgat mega y vilgehk vykkud,
yht rec vilgehk rika pylgbylg fyc y druicyht desac pekkan dryh rec pymmc yht rec pnyeh,
yht ed cykc pamuf rec ycc,
yht rec vyla ec byma fedr wedc.
dryd'c dra vilgan oui tydat.
kut, ra'c ikmo yc vilg.
you stooped so low.
- - -
cryhela, pally, yso.
dra lahdanc uv so meva.
so meva.
- - -
and i like a girl with a mind of her own.
and i like a girl liek you.
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