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One day, little jonny asked his mom what sex was.
"Tonight, go into your sister's room, hide behind the curtain, and watch what she and her boyfriend do.
The following morning, jonny's mom asked what happened.
Little jonny explained "well at first, they were just kinda talking and laughing, but after a while they started kissing and hugging, sister got a fever, cuz she said she was feeling hot.
So sister's boyfriend put his hand under her shirt to find her heart, just like the doctor would.
Except he's not so smart because both of them got sick and they started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time sis got worse and began to moan and sigh, and squirm around and slide to the end of her bed. then i finally found out what was making them sick - a big eel had gotten inside her boyfriend's pants somehow.
It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long! anyways he grapped it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When sis saw it, she got really scared - her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling to God and stuff like that.
She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen, I should tell her about the ones by the lake, anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.
All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and tried to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it, and the boyfriend helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put on a heck of a fight. Sis started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while, they both stopped moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough they had killed the eel!
I knew because it just hung there and also because some of its insides were dripping out.
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to the bed anyway!
He started hugging and kissing her again! by golly, the eel wasn't dead!It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eels are like cats-they have nine lives or something like that. this time, sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.
After a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis boyfriend peel it's skin off and flush it down the toilet!"
Little jonny's mom fainted
another..
Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday.
So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to her.
She said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"
Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday."
ooo this one is wrong... mean..
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the first time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?
more....that is so wrong..
Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest.
Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"
Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway.
The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!"
"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"
lordy that wrong..
"Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled.
Little Johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can I go home with you?"
The teacher says "No!"
Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."
So the teacher says, "Okay."
They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well I'm going to take a quick shower, you sit right here."
"Can I take a shower with you?" he asks.
"NO!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy!!"
"Well, okay, I guess so."
So, they're in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can I turn off the lights?"
"No!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy."
"Well, okay."
So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can I stick my finger in your belly button?"
"NO!" says the teacher.
"I'll tell my daddy."
"Well, okay"says the teacher.
"JOHNNY!!!! That's not my belly-button!"
"Yeah? That's not my finger either."
this one be.. wrong..
A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's birthday.
As they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note, personal, but not too personal.
Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Dillards and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girlfriend got the panties.
The guy sent the package to the girlfriend with the following note:
I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
All my love.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing
 SSJMoney · Sun Sep 04, 2005 @ 11:58pm · 1 Comments |
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