Hey.
I don't know how to do this, nor where to start, since i've never had the use to keep track of a journal before. But now everything's changed... i've fallen... again... from being Angel to Vampire and then rising again to be Balance Guardian, only to fall again.
I'm really starting to question my reasons for being around -or alive for that matter- I always seem to be getting on peoples nerves, always giving them something about me to complain about and even to hate me for, when everything i've ever done was try to keep everyone safe.... ha!... safe... as if it was wanted... i've seen Aoi sad over things often enough... yes... even David *the letters on his name almost tears through the page*... making my heart clench like it was being pressed to death... then there's Kiba... yes... i've kept a close eye on her as well on my glory days and did that as often as i could... and she's also another reason my heart turns and feels like it's been stabbed... so many people... my wife... that i haven't seen in ages... who i think is either dead or has forgotten about me completly... and who can blame her? Who can blame anyone that decides to despise me for that matter?
Everything i do seem to end in catastrophy... I started the biggest Vampire/Lycan war on behalf of my Masters to keep both growing races in check... and what was the result? The Tsukai Clan gets wiped out... leaving only Aoi... one nail on my coffin... I'm ordered to remain in the shadows as Kiba is assaulted... another nail... i'm ordered once again to do a Purge within the vampire community... and Aoi gets bit... one more nail... I get ordered to Judge my friends and bring the Trials upon them... and my brother goes blind... my wife becomes sick and disappears... yet another nail... and so on and on and on... the list is long... the burns in my soul are just as endless...
And everytime i've shown the slight proof of free will, i've been punished... Kiba... Aoi... my wife... my brother... i've been marked often enough because i decided to act accordingly to my heart...
And now there's Oreo... what do i do with her? i like her... even love her a little... and her children are wonderfull... but i'm not single... i still wear my wedding ring and Kate's around my neck... i have children of my own... and somehow... i'm still waiting...
How will i be punished this time? what will be taken from me now?
*the entry ends abruptly, as if he's not willing to continue, leaving half a page unwritten*
 Zauriel the Redeemed · Sun Sep 04, 2005 @ 07:26pm · 0 Comments |
