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You know? We live and our glory dies...I just feel like some crab a** today who will one day die, nothing will be remembered of me. I'll just be gone. Its all so simple too.

This whole moving thing...I dont know which choice to make anymore. I really want to be with my friends. I really do I am happy with them. Going to RHS Its the easiest but am I supposed to battle? I feel like...ha..im being some emo ******** and I have to pick myself up I cannot let myself slip away.

I am mad though because...Mom's always gone. Im always like my brothers keepers..and I hate it. I hate it all...this has been my life. I always wanted to please them..but I cannot. I know I cannot. My minds always been diluted with thoughts and I cannot escape them, and even when im having fun am I really happy? I cannot just live in the moment. Only a few times have I done such things...im always living everywhere...the past..the future and the time being as I am now..always worrying about something..thinking about something. I feel like I bring no good to this world.

Why? why is it I always feel like riding myself of the world? No..I havent had this thought for months...but I felt its presence at me...but I can push it away now. Death...it seems so dark...but if I had more god in me I wouldnt be scared..My aunt died last night..I wonder if she was scared..I wonder if she knew she was going to go. A funeral will be soon...It doesnt bother me..but today I feel really...I dont know how to describe it. This feeling will subside.

What is going on though? I hate being mean...and I wish I could just stop all this nonsense. I hope that later in life I will actually be happy. I dont know why I am like this now. It feels like it will never pass...and all of this started so long ago...