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i'm going to make a deep post about what happened last night.
explaining everything.

okay.
last night, me and amy just talked again.
same old same old.
but then, as usual, something started getting tense.
we just clashed but like... indirectly.
and then she posted how she was frustrated.
and then i posted how i was all tense and stuff.
and then i just like, freaked out about all that crap and started saying weird stuff.
like, idk how to explain it.
but the main point is that, she told me to call her and explainw hat i meant by the weird stuff.

and we just TALKED.
i mean, me and amy TALKED.
from 9PM
to 5AM.
and it could have gone longer if i didnt get sleepy.

the conversation was so deep.
it's just.
we broke everything between us DOWN.
we picked at it and discussed and open up ourselves.
more than we ever had before.
we shared everything.
it was emotional and intense and REVOLUTIONARY.
my god, was it revolutionary.
it was just so.
like.
man.
we just discussed ALL of the ROOTS and the cores of all the tension lately.
and of course, that means discussing things about the relationship too.
and just.
we finally broke down why we kept on falling apart as partners.
and we set up what we wanted from each other, but if we were going to make each other last, we needed to grow on some things.
but we both agreed that our love was just so like, had so much potential and universal inevitableness and strength,
and just,
man.

it was so.
i KNOW this sounds stupid,
that it looks like we're "dropping it and coming back" because we're lonely, or stupid, or that we gave up too easy, or any of that.
but this is right.
now, i dont KNOW if im going to go back with her,
but if i did, its NOT going to be any time soon.
but theres just. theres something.
and.
like.
okay, yeah, we broke up a lot.
i dont want you to see that as something just.
i cant put the right word on my tongue.
this is really something, you know?
like, if we DO get back together.
it's for the right reasons, with the right timing, the right everything.
this hasnt been smartened up at all.

i mean man,
i cant even.
last night we talked about everything.
everything.
it was defying.
i actually sat her down.
if only this happened during the relationship, but forget THAT.
i mean.
it just happened.

so there could be a chance of me and her again.
that sounds stupid and naiive, but its real.
it fits.
its.
i dont know.
something clicked last night.
she could feel it too.

just, wow.
last night was.

revolutionary.

i don't want to settle.
not now.
i really want time for the same reasons.
but additionally, i need to do my own thing for a while.
if i got with you now, i wouldn't know.
it's too early for me to stay forever with someone.

i could see you being someone i grow old with.
that's some cliche smack-- but it's true.
and so essential.
because with you, i had security.
something that i never, ever found with anyone else.

i never giggled at houses we'd buy with anyone else.
i never talked about when we'd set up sex dates with anyone else.
i never picked out what silly pets we'd have with anyone else.
i never seriously considered marriage with anyone but you.
because i'm not naiive.
i know what a serious relationship takes.
anyone can talk s**t about what i just said,
and i'm not the guru of love, but i know this.
i know this.
we could last.
we could make it.
because we just had it, we just did.
we ******** up, but underneath that sticky mess, was some strong ******** of a string holding us together.

i'd always come back to you.
my love is different with you.

we have potential.

but right now-- it's not enough.
that security wasn't enough, and that's why i left.
because as much as i'm safe with you, it wasn't happy.
it was a perfectly painted canvas but missing color.

i honestly don't care about the arguing.
but that's something we do have to work on.
what puts me off the most is the affection.
call it an over demand, but what i need is someone who'll surprise me.
someone who thinks about what spontaneous thing they could do next to show their love for me.
or, not even that.
someone who's a sweet taker.
or try to be a sweet talker and fail at it.
someone who'll tell me how much i mean to them.
just. i don't know how to exemplify it.
because you don't have to do any of that.

maybe you tried.
but i didn't feel it from you.
maybe i needed a "baby, i'm trying."

there's so much to explain.

all i know is that when you're next to me...
baby, when you're next to me.
in my bed.
i don't even need the covers to keep me warm, because you touch my heart and it lights my entire body with its own fiery, heated passion.
i don't need eyes to see or ears to hear, because you're all over me.
that becomes all i need.
you can cut the love of the moment with a knife.
and i love that.
i love that.
you keep me steady.
you and me, we'd click.
baby, baby...

i want to freeze the moment.
i want to make a move.
i want to press you against me and touch you like you're mine.
i'd let my fingers run against the outline of your body.
i'd look into your eyes-- really look into your eyes, so deep that i could feel your soul.
your arms have their place around my waist.
your lips fit against mine.
your fingers have their spots in between mine.

i want to be awake at 4 AM,
we'll be walking down the stairs with me clinging to your body behind you,
we're giggling at everything,
& we stop at the refrigerator... just to eat ice cream.

oh, simplicity.

that's it!
that's ******** it.
i love you for the way you make the world around me in that moment.
the way you make me in that moment.
it's not fake love.
it's not infatuation.
it's not lust.
it's passion.

i love you.

that. that. that.
i want it.
and i'll build everything to the highest ******** tower of our castle to make it.

i come back for that.
i come back because you're earth element 1435928.
highly attractive to rachelles.
you're my magnet.
i come back because you pull me.
i come back because we've been through so much,
my love has grown so large and wide and thick,
that though things ******** themselves up over and inside out,
you're still right for me.
you're right.
you feel right.
you feel right for me.
it's nothing harmful, nothing scary, nothing insecure.
you're the exact opposite.

all of your details.
every detail.
every characteristic.
every feature, sound & pore.
i love how you are.
the way you have your friends secure and right.
how you're a vegetarian.
the way you talk.
when you're gentle.
your kisses.
your patience.
the tunes you have on your ipod.
your story.
the little freckle underneath your breast.