She walks into the moonlit room, no lights are turned on. Sliding the door closed, she crosses to the other end of the room, picking up a short sword. Pulling down her sleeve, she lays the blade of the sword across her wrist, then applying pressure cuts the skin and the vein. Red blood, the true elixir of life, drips from her wrist down her arm and onto the floor. She proceeds to slit her other wrist, spilling more of the precious liquid onto the floor and down her arms. Lastly, she holds the sword up to her neck, and then drags the blade across her own throat, her last thoughts as she falls over are that she wished she didn't have to resort to this.
I'm sorry Shanta....I wish I could make it up to you....yet when I left, no one stopped me....I guess the furry forum is better off without me
I won't lie.....my life is crap. Post-traumatic-stress-disorder stemming from my former step-father has pretty much ruined my life....I can't interact with people most of the time, that in itself is why I find it incredibly weird that I actually have friends.....yet a lot of times I have ruined this wonderful gift.
As I have this PTSD that I blame most, if not all of my problems on, it has given me issues that I haven't quite gotten over yet. And, am not entirely ready to talk to people about yet.....I can only tell them that I have PTSD and I can't talk about my issues yet.
*sigh* well, this little bugger is now a part of me....and what does this result in? A vicious little 16 year old tomboy who can't deal with people and often people either love me or hate me....which is why I am so grateful for friends, this being odd in it of itself.
I don't know how this entry is going to turn out, all I know is that I'm trying to alleviate some guilt and stress I have....through writing.
Pyro.....thanks to my PTSD, I have issues letting go of my anger....I also think this stems from jr high, oddly enough. So that's why I was mad at you for so long.....and, well, I told you before that the reason why I got hurt when Shanta took you in was because I felt I was too late....and I still don't know why I'm mad at her disowning you for me.....I have some theories, though I don't think they're very good ones.....actually, I only have one, and that is that I don't want to be a burden to anybody, and since you two were supposedly happy together I guess that's why I got mad...I didn't want to ruin your happiness.
Shanta....why do you have to be such a damn good person? You feel bad because of my fighting with Pyro, and on top of it all you still thought I was a good person....well, maybe not anymore, since I'm on your ignored list, my only wish is that you read this journal and I hope we can settle our differences....though I wouldn't blame you if you kept me on your ignored list, since I am the way I am, and need to get over my anger and past trauma.
And the furries of Gaia....wow. I was the most popular fur there, until my power corrupted me and I became the hated fur......who am I kidding? I thought everyone loved me there, and those who had a problem with me were people I didn't like anyway, so I didn't care.....turns out I was believing a lie. When all of you went on about how "we need to stick together as the fur family we are!" none of you mentioned me....none of you pmed me.....I truly am just a burden that no one wants around.
My one greatest fear is to be completely forgotten......and that no one cares about me.....it seemed that everyone blamed me for Shanta's leave of the thread, yet I knew nothing about it.....no one cares about me anymore.......then again, I seem to push them away with how I act....like I said earlier, I'm either hated or loved
so....this all coming out, and I doubt it will seem very organized, I basically wound myself into a web where people were against me, and now don't care....
alas...this is my attempt at redeeming myself....and Idk if I'll go back to the furry forum.....since nobody mentioned me as part of the "family." And back to my fear of being forgotten, ignored, etc., this has me devastated....
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The Life and Times of a Cat Trapped in a Human Body
Basically whatever I want, usually about what's new in my life etc.
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