im so depressed.... theres alot going on so i cant really pinpoint the exact reason. im at the poing where all i want is for it to all be over. the weird thing is that imagining absolute nothinginess scares me... so i cant see myself dead. oh well, though. sooner or later itll happen.
-you'll hurt me a little to much...
-i'll cut just a little to deep...
-my body'll become just a little to thin...
and thatll be the end of me. maybe... i dont know if i want it or not though. being depressed is so lame emo i cant take this. i have a constant headache and my mind is always wandering. i keep thinking about everything thats wrong and how to fix it, i cant deal with the problems i have now.
they just pile up too fast! i cant deal with them all. i've almost completely given up on trying to help myself. im in the process of convincing myself that i dont matter, that my problems dont matter. ive learned to just roll with the punches while i internally fade away.
people who ive been friends with for a while say im changing and becoming more introverted and quiet. its about time i shut up though, about time it was about someone other than me. im nothing special, and although i've never been a super selfish person, its time for me to realize that i dont really matter because there are 6billion other people in this world. 99% of them more important than me.
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