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I havent been here in a while but I need a place to write. I have been thru hell and back and I feel like I am coming out of it. I used to have these dreams not long ago where I was running from death and always some how just managed to escape as long as I kept running. and only once looked back. Never leave your back open to your enemy. Keep looking back.
My dreams were darkness or emptiness or reds for blood. And dead bodies..your typical bad dream I guess. Alot has happened and I guess these dreams were a way to tell me I had to keep fighting because theres really no other way I would come out alive. These past several years ive been in love, fell out of love, hated wanted, had, and lost. Every emotion was as good or bad as it could be and now ive come out smarter for it and a bit bitter. But I am also extremely happy. Finally. All this time has gone by and it took my personal hell and issues to figure out what was really important to me and what I really wanted. I guess you could say im stubborn. I dont like to be told something is bad for me, I like to experience it myself...and because of that I have wasted so much time;but i wouldnt have it any other way because I have learned so much about myself and life this way. I dont think I would have been satisfied if i hadnt.im so stubborn.
I have a beautiful little boy now. He is my love and my life. he is the reason I havent completely ruined myself. All of the silly songs and poems about love he is. The funny things you hear on on tv about 'being my sunshine' or 'you complete me' he does. He keeps me straight without having to say a word. He is love.
And I have another love. He came at just the right time. Its funny because he was there all along. We were even previously together several years ago.Well I dont know how it happened but we have each other again and its even better this time. I pray it only gets better. I need someone like him. But i will get to that in a bit. its so funny. We even met here on gaia like children do. Im sure many a Gaiain has. We are whats called 1st generation Gaians.I wonder if the others still come? I stopped visiting here and wanted nothing more to do with the World of Gaia. What brought me back Im not sure but I wanted to find him again and I didnt know where else to look. the second day I logged on though there he was! He Pmed me and we reunited just like that. He had gone through alot too apparently. He'd been searching for me even longer and harder than I had been looking for him. I dont know if it was fate or what but I feel like this was perfect timing.I think that the years have primed and aged us to be perfect for each other. He makes my heart sing (as lame as it sounds). And since he has been in my life again I want to listen to music and write again and sing and live life in a way that I had lost and forgotten was even possible.
Even without him my life is very good now. but with him its all the better.
So I am back on the right track again. Ive learned never to take family or close friends for granted, and everyone makes mistakes, its how you correct thhose mistakes that matters.I feel like I have can do anything and go anywhere I want from here. i have been down to hell and experienced the worst pain I believe anyone could ever feel. I can only go up from here and I am more than excited to see what my future holds.
 Nyobi · Sun Feb 06, 2011 @ 02:42am · 1 Comments |
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What would you do if:
[1] I committed suicide:
[2] I said I liked you:
[3] I kissed you:
[4] I lived next door to you:
[5] I started smoking:
[6] I stole something:
[7] I was hospitalized:
[8] I ran away from home:
[9] I got into a fight and you weren't there:
What do you think about my:
[1] Personality:
[2] Eyes:
[3] Face:
[4] Hair:
[5] Clothes:
[6] Mannerisms:
Other:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you ******** me?
[13] Would you marry me?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are we close?
[33] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
Nyobi · Mon Jul 11, 2005 @ 08:30pm · 1 Comments |
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:sigh: currently, my life is...crazy. There's two parts to it, good, and bad... shwayness, and sucky-ness. Which side should i start off with first...lets get the bad out of the way. Well, im outta high school now and about to go into college. Im still kinda..poor ( remember where i work?) and would have liked to save more money and just go to school in the spring..besides the money thing though i wanted to go because my friend may not be able to go till then either we wanted to get a dorm together ( we no like strange living partners,lol) but thats not gonna happen. So anyhoo in a way its good, but in a way it sux. well enough talking about bad stuff... i cant always complain...especially when something really good happens to you. Like meeting someone really shway. Ya know, people always talk about meeting the right person, and dreams of being with them forevermore, no matter what...some turn out better than others, some end with restraining orders, deleting any trace of anything having to do with that person, or simple disputes solved over games with knotted ropes and sharp objects (these usually end in someones physical pain, and/or death). But on the brighter side, some end up actually..pretty nice. Both their dreams intertwine on the day of "I do's" and miraculously they become one with each other. Thats an outcome we all want..we all strive for. Some more than others, and some get closer than others. but ultimatly, who doesnt wdream of that perfect someone sillouetted beside them. Those commercials we all think silly but all at one time in our lives have (or will have) wanted that, where a couple, man and women are running hand in hand along a low tide beach during sunset, knowing the person they run with will love to spend forever with them in the best and worst conditions. They will be together. I'm not saying the man i have in mind will be this for me. Though i would love that..though young, being able to settle with the perfect someone is definalty not a bad thing, if he appears,then there we will be. But he is a great guy. Smart (for the most part) funny, different from most,very sweet, very easy to talk to. I love him. Only ******** up part is that he lives soo far away...he will come to me in a couple months he says, just finishing a few things.i could go there, but it would be much easier to do it the other way around.Besides, in this case, i think it would be more gentlemanly like for him to come first. then we will go from there.as of right now, we are as close as friends and closer...more than just friends..what else can we be? he feels for me as strongly as i for him...but i think it better to wait to actually be together until he comes. He has agreed to this, and gives me no grief or frustration because of my decission. (which makes him all the more attractive). I suppose i could count this little...temporary roadblock as a definate negative, i mean, its keeping me from really being with someone i really care about. But still, this can only make us closer, and more trusting,beside, i love surprises, and every trip will be a surprise.(with time comes change).So for now, we are taking it one day at a time. so i suppose this good overshines the bad in my life right now. even though this may not be the dream relationship we all dream of, it has strong potential, and right now, i am enjoying it all, and soon, we will be together. (YEY for love!,lol)
Nyobi · Mon Jul 11, 2005 @ 02:27am · 1 Comments |
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Guys suck to me right now.....yeah, i know, typical statement for a chick,yeah sure, but ...im really sad right now...actually i dont know if 'sad' is the correct terminology for it...and unfortunatly, i am waaay to tired right now (its 1:59 am domokun ) to go into detail...but basically yeah, it sux...and my best friend sux right now too...so much sucking in the world you'd think we lived in the middle of a vacuum cleaner. eek mrgreen ..bad joke xp ...its the exhaustion sweatdrop stressed crying redface stare stare
Nyobi · Wed Jun 08, 2005 @ 08:02am · 1 Comments |
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WOOO!!! Wednesday was my 18th birthday!! and i am sooo happy!! blaugh blaugh blaugh I cant believe, finally i am officially an adult. People keep asking me how it feels, and do i feel any different, and in a way i do. I feel like i am supposed to be as mature as i am (when i am) instead of people being able to say '; oh you're so mature for your age' and that sort of thing.Now i can buy cigs (though i wont) porn (though i definatly wont) and go to clubs (which i definatly will whee ) i can also get my license now (as soon as i find time) so there are great things there. YEY! I had alot of fun with my friends for my birthday.i didnt have a party or anything like that, but we just went around here and there, and just hung out,like friends do. I didnt have to pay for anything either!! whee i had octopus for the first time...though it took me like...15 or so minutes to get up the guts to stick one of those tentacles in my mouth>< . I practiced some guitar with the guy thats teaching me (who is also a good friend)and basically just listened to some music.We rented some movies, but never got around to watching them.I was basically out all day as well, which i always do, but for some reason possessed a bit more...freedom maybe becausei wasnt worried about he tiem i got home seeing as how i have no curfew anymore (though my male parental figure still wants to instill rules and what not against me>< whatever.All in all we had a great time. The only thing that could have made it better (thats possible) would have been meh best bud travu=is being there with us. But his family has forced him away spring break, as they always have done >< but we all talked on the phone and what not, so it wasnt that bad.but still...i didnt get any money, but i am expecting an acoustic from my dad. We are working on that now as far as finding a good one,etc. I want an electric, seeing as how thats what i am actually practicing on, but i will just save to buy that for myself, because i need an amp and what not for it to actually be any good,performance wise, and its more expensive, meaning more to ask for,blah blah blah...
Anyhoo, my special day was prettty good.Oh, and they made me this huge sign with a blwon up pic of me on it,and it was decorated and everything.It was really nice.I wanna go shopping...i think that would have made my day even betterest!!I think i have a shoe and clothing fetish now..and the only cure is..dun dun DUNNN!! shopping! I am not a girly girl like that..(though i may be changingO.O >.> hopefully i can be saved before its too late...)but i do love nice clothes and LOVE cute shoes!,lol...heh..So yeah, if anyone reading this wants to give me money for teh clothes of teh happy..feel free~.o if nothing else donations to my avi ar always welcomed too, gifts, clothing, gold, all goodthings.Anyhoo, i'd better go now..later dayz!
Nyobi · Fri Mar 18, 2005 @ 08:17pm · 0 Comments |
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My job sux monkey a$$ >.< |
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Ok, i work at McDonalds. yes yes, you may go ahead and get it all out now, i will wait..............................(elevator music)..........................
done now? ok good,
so anyhoo, its my first job, and so i am very proud of myself as far as the progress i have made, things i have learned, and the fact that because i work there, i never want to eat another McDonalds fry again..i think the smell alone would make me gag...the thought is doing just that right now><. But for what its worth, i give myself a pat on the back whee Oh, and im rockin the uniform too,lol. I make that b***h look hella good blaugh 3nodding
I have alot of friends working there too, and i just met one other. She's pretty kewl. So i get to talk alot. Most of which are guys though..i dont really have many chick friends, save a few..most are good friends, if any at all. Dont ask me why..besides the fact that all the guys worship the ground i walk on (some more than others) i dont know why,lol. Anyhoo, about work...so what i have said may make my job sound...ok, not too bad, i mean, at least i know most of the employees as friends, right? well, it is pretty bad. i work (most of the time) in front of a hot a** fry grill...it sux.the s**t is hot, and i cant count how many times ive burned myself, and the damn fry boxes scraped my fingers so bad, my skin is becoming red on my thuumb, and its scabbing on my middle finger (the one i use the most behind Ms. Angie's back xp domokun ) Oh, did i mention Ms.Angie the b***h?? It kinda seems to me that the name "angie" would belong to a nice litle old lady, with sweet red hair and the eyes of a nice litle angel...but nooo this lady is the spawn of satan!!>< yes she has red hair (cut short to make us think of devil horns..or maybe the fry grease has gotten to me eek ) but her hair isnt at all sweet..it reeks of evil, and the wish to abolish child labor laws...making children worn inside scissor factories and work inside hotdog machines...Oh, and her eyes...are like..beetle eyes, watching everything in there litle evil nasty sockets, and waiting for the right moment to snatch up a little morsel of s**t and vengeance. Man i hate that woman. Now she doesnt say to much to me, cuz i know what the hell im doing even though im new, and she really cant say much or i will say a whole lot back to her,and she knows i will>.>
Oh, i also found out, that since normaly i work from 6-10, i dont have to get a break, and lil ms.angie made me fully aware of that. Of course managers can give you a break if they want to, but nooo Ms. Angie comes from the house of Ye Ol' Bitches, so she stretches her limits as far as hell (which is her home) so she doesnt give us one...or atleast the ones like me that dont work so long...but we are treated like s**t as much as the other. dont gett me wrong now, not all of the managers are like that, in fact, most of the others are really kewl, kidding around with us lower workers, and all having a good time..until of course it gets really busy, and the true slackers rear there ugly non-working faces and make the rest of us look bad...then all hell breaks loose (and Ms.Angie doesnt even have to be present eek )but its all part of the job..
In conclusion...most of us are lookin for other jobs and raising our asses up outta there.Most flock right across the street to HEB, and others to Walmart..others goto wendy's and some just stay away from the working world all together.As for me..i am looking to a brighter future at wal-mart (cue angel music) and if that doesnt work..then im screwed....good bye all that read..later dayz.oh, and remember...i was desperate.. xp gonk
Nyobi · Mon Mar 14, 2005 @ 05:32pm · 1 Comments |
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A book i read a while ago..anyhoo, today marks the first day i went to work..ever! I am sooo happy about it.I got a job at McDonalds.Yes, i know its only McDonalds, but for me, its soo much more...^^ ok, actually its not, its just plain ol' McDonalds>>, but hey, its my first job, so there we go...
I wasnt able to hang out with my friends today, nor will i be able to as much as i used to, but thats ok, cuz i gots a job><. I work front counter..the register, which i thought would be horrid, but it wasnt that bad.I dreaded it because i hate people, but after seeing how its done and everything,it isnt that bad.The only thing i am worried about is the counting or the money,lol.:Sigh: i will get better razz I know alot of the people that work there,so thats good..and alot of the guys were hitting on me>< as far as that goes, i guess i can deal,lol. well,till next entry,later dayz!
Nyobi · Sat Mar 05, 2005 @ 06:46am · 0 Comments |
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