How do you know when you've made a true friend?
I mean, someone who is seriously there for you. Someone who will go out of their way to say hi to you. Someone you can seriously connect with. Someone you can respect and admire. Someone you can be yourself around. Someone who won't ridicule you.
Doing absolutely nothing but reading and thinking for a month got me to wondering. How many real true friends have I made?
In my opinion, only a few: Cait and Erin.
Out of all the people I have called a 'friend' these people have exceeded their abilities. I can truely say that I have never really felt betrayed by them at all. They have always been there for me whenever I felt pissy and I have done the same for them.
It's hard for me to say anything about everyone else. They've varied, but in many ways I have felt distanced. I want to blame alot of things, myself being one of them.
becuase I was never the social butterfly, I couldn't ever really make a locked connection with many people. That lead to my leaving one high school for another. It was a bit hit in the gut considering my social neuroses.
I met people eventually, I wasn't thinking though, so I would take almost anyone who would take me back. That was somewhat a mistake.
Anyway, once I got to college I looked back on the people I had called 'friend' and saw that I didn't belong. In all honesty, I didn't belong anywhere in that area. I can't say that I tried.
Now, the same thing is happening in college. All feelings of a genuine trust have faded. All of it was a fantasy of some sort. One of a community. Everyone looking out and taking care of eachother. All of it just some sort of illusion to make the slip into college alot easier. Well, it worked. And now I'm starting to learn how to feel people out before getting close to them. I'm learning how to lose my social neuroses. I can't be afraid of people anymore. I can't wonder what someone thinks of me. I shouldn't even care..
So this is just something for myself and for others if they're willing to take it in:
From now on everyone one else is just an aquaintance. Until you see that they are worth your feelings will they ever be your friend.
Until then, I will go on living in a new light of adulthood and more self analyzing.
Electric Raygun Community Member 
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