I sweat that over 99% of my journal entries will be due to the fact that I cannot sleep. Well... it does tend to be most creative time of day. I don't even know where to begin with this one.
Basically I feel like my expectations for what college would be like were too high. I honestly didn't expect much, but I thought, at least, I'd have sense of freedom and individuality. But it's like I spend every day being pushed around by my parents, my friends, my teachers, and my boss. There's no control over what I want to do. Even within my major, I have to take all these bullshit classes that barely have anything to do with what I want, but I have to take them. There's just no motivation to continue down this path.
Mostly I'm mad that even thought now I'm an adult, my parents have finally taken a full blown interest in my life. It's super awkward now that I want to distance myself from them that they care enough to pay attention to me now. I don't feel like I have any say in my future whatsoever because even at 20 I'm trying to appease them constantly. They could have been doing this to me five years ago and I would have loved it. Now... not so much.
More or less the holidays are the worst time of the year for me. Not because I hate xmas or anything (I'm actually a devote Catholic, but I'll get into that later), the spiritual part is actually refreshing, and I get along with my extended family and siblings really ******** well, but there's just so much stress. Like this is the time of year you are supposed to be happy so you have to plant a big fake plastic smile on your face while you are taking it in the a**. It's especially painful to have to parents try to brag about you but realizing you haven't accomplished anything since high school.
I really hope these aren't the "golden years."
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