Oh my lanta I'm actually still alive! Due to all the hectic weeks of school and our trip to South Padre I haven't been on a lot obviously.
There is one activity we had to write in Theatre Arts that I thought was pretty hysterical (or at least it was at the time). It's my first play I have ever written! It was actually not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Anyways, we had to pick a fairytale and rewrite the story to a point of a new setting and plot but keep the characters. My classmates and I chose to act out Shrek. So, or course, I had to be the one to write it because every one else won't get out of their desks and help me (besides Averie, she was awesome!...although all she had to do was turn around in her seat and help me...). This story has all your favorite characters with only one exception. I couldn't seem to fit Puss in any of it because no one in the class could act the part any good. It might not be the best play ever written, but keep in mind that it is my first. Hope you enjoy! xD
Oh...and I forgot to mention it isn't very detailed because I was in a rush to write it because it was due 3 days later.
Shrek
(Shrek is walking through the forest and sees donkey getting jumped and beat up by fairies.)
Shrek: Hey are you alright?
Donkey: (sarcastic tone) Yes, I'm perfectly fine! (a pot slaps him across the face)
Shrek: Okay well the name's Shrek. What is the name you go by?
Donkey: I'm Donkey.
(Shrek teams up with Donkey and together they ward off the fighting fairies. They both continue walking throuhg the forest and cross paths with the fairy godmother.)
Godmother: You hurt my fighting fairy pixies! They were the people I loved and cherished!
Shrek: Everybody hurts my people so don't complain about your stupid pixies!
(The stupid pixies attack Shrek and Donkey again...Godmother laughs maniacally in background. Prince Charming flies into the scene on the back of dragon and scares fairies away.)
Shrek: Thank joo very much Prince!
Charming: Your so much very welcome.
Meanwhile....
Donkey: Dragon!!! You cheated on me?! I can't believe you!
Dragon: If you keep accusing me of cheating I'll toast your filthy donkey hide alive...
Donkey: Wait...you can talk? Since when did this happen?
Dragon: I told you I was going to Hogwarts for a year! Did you even notice I was gone?!
Donkey: Umm...heehee...funny story.
Dragon: Nevermind...shut it and let's go home.
(Donkey jumps on Dragon's back and they pounce into the air to leave but the fairy godmother blocks theri only way out.)
Godmother: You're not going anywhere! You all think you can just come and beat up my poor fairy friends and get away with it? You are sadly mistaken! Why, I bet if all of us pixies teamed up together we could crush you into oblivion!!
(There is a scream from a high tower above them.)
Fiona: I'll shoot you in your aeorta if you push me out of this tower!!!
(Another voice from inside Fiona): No don't do that! I swear to you I won't!
(Fiona starts punching herself constantly.)
Shrek: Who is that making that noise up there?
Charming: I'm pretty sure it's your soon to be wife Shrek.
Shrek: There will be no such matrimony!
Charming: Yes-huh.
Shrek: Nu-uh.
Charming: Yes-huh.
Shrek: Nu-uh...
Godmother: Oh shut up!! That girl up there looks like she's going to kill herself by jumping from the tower.
Dragon: No, I think she's arguing with her other personality on whether of not to shoot herself. She just happens to be conveniently placed by the window.
Donkey: Wow...and I thought I was stupid. You know what?
Everyone: What?
Donkey: In the morning I think I'm going to make some Leggo my Eggo waffles.
Everyone: Donkey...!
(Meanwhile Fiona is fighting with herself and fallss from the tower.)
Fiona: OH NO!!!! I'm falling!! And I'm pretty sure I can't fly!! Someone save me!!! PLEASE!!!
(Everyone watches in awe as she falls and hits the ground with a splat.)
Shrek: That...was...the most amazing event I'm seen in my ogre life!
Charming: Oh no! That was the women Shrek was supposed to marry but I secretly loved! Now she's deceased....(dramatic pause in which Charming is crying)...Oh well.
Donkey: So what do we do with the body?
Dragon: Can I devour it?
Donkey: That is it! We are finished! I will no longer be married to a carnivourous beast that can't control her food cravings!
Dragon: Well fine then! It's clearly my fault that I'm 10 tons!
(They divorce...)
Shrek: I guess we should just bury the body and have a nice funeral fit for her.
Charming: But...but...but...I want to see her face each and 525,600 minutes of every year I live on this planet! I don't think I can go any longer withour just glancing into those ravishing set of eyes she has!
Shrek: If you talk about her again like that I'll slit your head off and feed it to the hungry dragon!
Charming: Oh, sorry Shrek...
Godmother: Why don't I just poof the carcass away?
Dragon: Because! That's...just...not right and it's cruel!
Godmother: Barnacles!
Shrek: This body is turning out to be a real pain. NO one can agree on where to bury it. It's all just so frustrating!
(Everyone trudges through the forest. Donkey is carrying the dead body of Fiona and complaining the whole time.)
Donkey: I can't haul these dead organs wrapped in some pale skin anymore!
Shrek: NO on e wants to hear you complain anymore Donkey.
(Every shakes their head in agreement.)
Donkey: Why can't anyone else carry it?
(Fiona briefly wakes up)
Fiona: Because I utterly adore you Donkey form the bottom of my heart and not a person in the world can change the insurmountable love I have for you. (She collapses again on Donkey's back.)
Charming: That wasn't the strangest thing I've ever seen in my short years on Earth.
Dragon: I can't help but to be flabbergasted.
Godmother: Can't I just magically dig a hole and we can be rid of this burden?
Donkey: Yes! Hallelujah!
(Godmother poofs a hole and Donkey tosses Fiona in with a cry of happiness.)
Shrek: I think we should have some kind of ceremony for her at least.
Donkey: WEll she didn't carry her own weight like the rest of us so I think we should just leave her be.
Charming: Your right Donkey. I say we let her ghostly spirit haunt you the rest of your life because you can't appreciate real beauty.
(Shouts of agreement. Everyone walks off while listening to Donkey's cries of disagreement.)
Donkey: Hey, wait! NO you guys! You can't leave my with this the rest of my life! Please come back! Please!!!!