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I, the darker side
I never knew what to say to you
Each time we would be together, I would be nervous
I kept looking at you not wanting you to notice
After all the things we’ve been through, I had yet to get over you
Still being wrapped up in things from each other’s lives
We had to start anew without any of these attachments
What I meant to say is that I’m still in love after all this time
I never wanted you to really know me
Even after all this time that we were together
I wanted you to just know the person that everyone liked
The things that happened between you and me
Were for reasons neither you nor I could know or understand
I will never forget the lies I told to your face
Seeing without believing was quite what was happening
There was and still is this side of me that no one knows
Not even you that I still proclaim to love
There’s a darker side, a screwed up side of me
A side that I did not want you to see
I never really wanted you to go
I’m sorry for all the betrayals
The lies that came out of my mouth
I’m still learning about myself
I never meant to be cold
Locked up all inside of me with no hope
What I meant to say is that I’m sorry for the way I treated you
I did not stop to think of you, of what I was doing to you
I blinded myself to who I really was, keeping everyone at bay
What I meant to say is that I’m still in love after all this time
I never wanted you to really know me
Even after all this time that we were together
I wanted you to just know the person that everyone liked
The things that happened between you and me
Were for reasons neither you nor I could know or understand
I never really wanted you to go
I’m sorry for all the betrayals
The lies that came out of my mouth
I’m still learning about myself
I never meant to be cold
Locked up all inside of me with no hope
What I meant to say is that I’m sorry for the way I treated you
I did not stop to think of you, of what I was doing to you
I blinded myself to who I really was, keeping everyone at bay
©R.Lisa
 Damalian · Tue Dec 07, 2004 @ 12:06am · 2 Comments |
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I've been skipping classes and ditching lectures. "bad kitty!" I haven't felt happy in a while and this whole thing is just making me feel blah.
No Looking Back
Give it all you got, it won't matter
Cuz off all the things that you do
Can't erase the memories that I have
I trusted you the most, even that meant nothing
I'm sorry that I ever trusted you
You were like a drug I couldn't get enough of
Now I learned that it was stupid of me to keep this up
When you turned away from me that last time
I've given you my all
It cut deep, wounding me like nothing else could
Turning away from you, bleeding, hurting
The wound will heal, it will only leave a scar
When you became cold to me, it scared me
Did you ever realize that you meant everything to me
Your attitude changed over night, I didn't understand
Was it all a facade? Was this your 'fun'?
I wanted to know what brought the change
All I received was the back of your hand
And bruises that lay upon my body
The physical hurt was nothing to the hurt deep inside me
I've given you my all
It cut deep, wounding me like nothing else could
Turning away from you, bleeding, hurting
The wound will heal, it will only leave a scar
A fool was what I was, and now you want me to ovelook all that
I have forgiven you, but that doesn't mean I want you back
You think that I will forget all the pain you put me through
I'm not sorry to say that I want you gone
The scars that litter my body have healed the same with my heart
I'm not like you, but I have to say thanks
For all the experience that made me become who I am
You see someone else that you were never aware of
Its sad that you never knew me at all
I've given you my all
It cut deep, wounding me like nothing else could
Turning away from you, bleeding, hurting
The wound will heal, it will only leave a scar
©copyrightedbyR.Lisa
Damalian · Thu Dec 02, 2004 @ 06:19pm · 0 Comments |
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Keep me guessing at each turn
Giving me a way to hate you even more
You asked once why I loved you
Now you ask why do I hate you just as much
Did it ever occur to you
Did you ever think
I must have been blind
I must have been stupid
To have loved you once
I fell for an illusion that was there
The love was all an illusion as well
I did not hate you until that fateful day
Where you took everything away from me
You asked me how I could love you, why
and now I answer that I loved the illusion
I never fell in love with you
I admit I was a fool for thinking that
Did it ever occur to you
Did you ever think
I must have been blind
I must have been stupid
To have loved you once
I found out what it was to love
even if it was as brief as it was
It should have been our own choice to part
If it ever came to occur
You intervened in a jelous fit
You took her away from me
Letting me find her cold beneath a lifeless tree
I cried as the skies darkend and rained
Now here I am with you standing in front of me
Did it ever occur to you
that I could kill you just as easily
Did you ever think
to come talk to me and find a solution
I must have been blind
not to see your true nature
I must have been stupid
to fool myself about you to have loved you once
Damalian · Tue Nov 30, 2004 @ 06:33pm · 0 Comments |
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OK, politics suck!!!! stressed stressed
scream why bush of all people was he elected. All he wants is war, money, and power. I totally forgot to go vote, demo with the options out there...Goddess....you'd think this was a cruel joke. My da refers to him as the devil. I must agree with him on that observation. Humankind's worst fear is themselves. They are the only species of commiting Genocide with one another.
A few moments ago I had a round with my 'dear' mother. Goddess....I'm sick of hearing that I owe her this and that. She has to always know about my life whether I feel like telling her or not. I do have a right to keep my private life just that private. If I've been skipping classes cuz I don't feel like going its my problem let Me deal with it. The fact that I'm almost 19 this month on the 17 has not penetrated her skull both of theirs in fact.
This alone depresses me or sets me off in a mood of self pity that I utterly detest!!! scream stressed I should in fact by this age be sitting in a quiet, white padded room with a strap jacket on so I will not harm myself. *snickers* I not sane anymore. *sigh* I have to absolutly get myself together if I wish to move out by March. I have to figure out how much I'm going to be spending on an apartment and how to pay for a car. Being a scorpio is not always the best of things, I hate answering to my parents 'bout my wherebouts cuz it doesn't concern them unless I wish to tell them, demo its useless. I like having privacy, demo with a mother like her things are never easy.
I had written in two different journals and never bothered to hide them cuz I thought she had honor and respect come to my suprise she read them and whenever we would fight she would throw my own private thoughts that I had written down back at my face. stressed stressed scream
This is one dairy she'll never find.
My sister and I are making plans and preparations so that in two years we can go to japan and take residentsy there and start our lives all over again.
I can't complain 'bout lacking material things, we've always had and am grateful for, though she would say that I'm an ungrateful brat and don't love them blah blah blah and launch into one of her speeches stressed . It alwasy pisses me off when she tries to make herself look good and try to be the greates mother. Sad to say she fails in that horribly. The one thing I'm complaining 'bout is the lack of support that they've never been there for us and when they have its always mother pushing her ideals on to us something that will never happen wanting to change us into an image that suits her. I have my own mind and my own destiny. I will not have somebody else shaping my fate for her own image and dreams.
*sigh* Sometimes knowing that things are different in this world is hard, even harder when knowing that the life you are living is one of many and immortality is not a gift, demo its a curse that needs to end.
Damalian · Thu Nov 04, 2004 @ 02:15am · 0 Comments |
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Well, it's Monday morning. and i'm in english class typing away on the comp. *where in a comp. lab* a recap of thurs.-sun.
Thurs.
Will miracles ever cease. I skip classes that day, and spent half the day surfing the 'net and doing some of my paper, eh, I never turned in that paper so I now have my first zero in US History. well, my mom, kiddy-kun, and me went to pick up my car=$150+$50 for the tow truck=$200 that I will never see ever again
Damalian · Mon Oct 18, 2004 @ 04:00pm · 0 Comments |
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