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Dear Soren,

My stomach really is planning to murder me. The butterflies bring me to my knees. But I should tell you why. Well... me and David are now going out and we kissed and hug and oh, how I miss him. It sucks, but I wonder how you pull trough. Is it hard or is it easy for you? I really would like to know, so I hope you can tell me. Haha, I nag a lot. But it's because I feel you don't tell me everything going behind and on the scene. Selfish and greedy of me yes, I should trust you fully. But doesn't, by telling you, mean I have the utter most faith in you? I really hope it does because that's how I mean it. So, I don't want to say I'm in love this soon. I mean I loved Adam, and still do [just on a different level], and after that it hurts to think about loving someone else. But David... he arouses me and every passion fiber in me. Silly no? Like a silly cheap novelty? I am like a book I won't lie. I like to plan everything ahead of time and if it doesn’t go correctly everything else get’s spun into complete chaos. But hey that's okay, like an editor I can fix them. But I'll write in pen for you, for us, so I can remember all the mistakes I've made and all the people who I am determined to have in my future. Yeah, I'm pretty weird, but hey that's why a lot of people like me. But some don't know it ;]. Haha, kidding kidding. No I do have friends, some I'm completely thankful for, other's I'm happy to have around, others... well there's a reason why they won't be making it to my future. Aura's good by the way. You probably forgot about her. Ambriele's gotten cold over time though Soren. It frightens me. She says 'I don't care' to everything and to everyone and told me my life is a lie and that our relationship is based on my fantasies. But whenever we fight, the next day she pretends it never happens. And who am I to not go along. I love her with every atom in me. But it hurts completely; what was the point of fighting and hurting each other?! It bothers me. But she asked me "Would you rather know someone who doesn’t care, or someone who does care yet you don't know them?" I told her the truth: I want someone I don't know that cares. I'm sorry, that may be rude of me, to want that..., but I won’t dare lie to her anymore. I love her to dearly to lie; just like I won't lie to you. I won't lie to you, Adam, Stephanie, David, Ambriele... I can't anymore; I don't have that ability anymore. I use to lie through my teeth and not care, but that was before I met you. You changed me for the better Soren. But now I have this horrid ability to tell truth from lie. Soren I don't want to know the truth all the time. It scares me. I want to crawl under my covers and pretend like it’s some bad dream. But the cold knocks on the door and the rummaging through my head tells me I'm awake...