I haven't seen my friends in over a month. They're too busy for me right now, what with trying to find an apartment to live in and all. So basically all I have right now is Ryan. And that's not saying much, considering he's up at school untill May.
I'm trying realy hard not to ******** things up between us. But these overwhelming feelings of neglect just keep coming. It drives me literally mad that I can't see him. But what I'm fearing more than that is the way this is effecting our relationship.
Before we started going out, he seemed a lot more caring. He'd make it a point to tell me I'm awesome, and I'd be talking to him everyday pretty much. Now I'm lucky if I get a phone cal every couple of days, let alone anything productive to talk about.
I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep this relationship alive, and that I'm the one making all the compromises. I feel like I'm jumping through rings of fire for this kid, and he's just watching me. And because of my overbearing nature, I'm an idiot and keep making the same mistakes.
It would help me a lot more if I got more communication. I'm living on solely conversation. And I know myself well, I need my ego stroked often and need to feel like I'm number one. Knowing that I'm pushed aside because of his obligations(he's in college and has a lot of work he's stressing over.) isn't settling right, though I want to accept it because I understand, I just can't. Honestly, it breaks my heart.
This whole situation is taking a huge toll on my insecurities. He could be telling me anything right now, and all I have are his words. I trust him completely..or atleast I think I do.
We're "on a break" until he comes back. So technically I'm single, but I doubt I'll take advantage of that.
I feel like I'm playing the same game, just with different names. Rather upsetting. ._.;
-H.H.
 Refined Corruption · Tue Apr 24, 2007 @ 09:05pm · 1 Comments |
