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time is nothing but an enemy... and who ever told you wrong... was Lieing...

you should go up to them and say.. IF YOU LIE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE FRIENDS...

well ...

anyway...

these past couple of weeks... i have been thinking... how much harder it is to live life each day with the expectations of a better life and the atticipation of things to come. But how does one deal with it? I've spent my days just living day in and day out and the only real thing that keeping me going is my friends... I LOVE YOU ALL..

o_0.. okay just to make it straight.. i'm not suicidal... or that i'm thinking about suicide.. i'm just in a rutt.. all I do really is just go to classes, hang out with my dorm mates and sleep. Although i love doing those things, i feel that I just need a jump start again...

it's just that the days have gotten longer and the time spent doing things just seem to fast... i want to go back and just relive the days when days were longer and the nights where shorter; friends were everywhere and there when you need them the most...i guess i miss how things used to be... it's difficult for me to think that every one moves away quickly as they really do, and how easily people forget how much they mean to you, how days seemed to just revolve around them....

i miss how things used to be and just want to travel back in time ... I realize now that it's hard to think about the past and not thinking about things you should have, would have and could have...

it's hard for me to think about the past and realize just how desposible i was.. may be am... how easily it was for people to forget me or to some how not like me for who i was...

was i irritating, was i too up tight, was i just Me?? i don't know...
and that's what's scaring me.. that i'm pushing people away because of who i am...

WHY .. WHY do people push away people? Leaving you to wait for a reaction?

and i hate to wait... because...

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE RESULT IS...
IT'S THE WAITING THAT WILL KILL YOU