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I wish I didnt care about everyone I freaking meet in the course of my internet experience.

Its not against them, its just, I ******** up relationships really easy.

Brit- I neglect her all the time... I love her so much, but my stupid a** is so afraid of doing what I did the last time that I dont speak to her, thus eliminating that problem but generating the same results. Im so sorry x.x;

Emmz- For even questioning her, Shes gone over everything with me, but im afraid that she is lying to me about herself becaus I did that to others so obviously she would do it to me. Im sorry.... she cares about me so much, despite my issues, my flaws, my inability to do things right. That melodramatic crap about how Im not good enough for her isnt just melodrama, its fact. Emmz you are the best thing to happen to me on gaia.

Kali- Potentially the sole most important person in my life, the only person who has ever seemed to care that deeply about me, the only person Ive ever thought about life together with... Only to find out its impossible to happen and that She already has been taken, yet I remain, just hoping, hoping for something to go wrong with her and Alta. Im so sick. I realy like Alta, but he is in the way of the one thing I thought I could have.

Ara- I lied to you, I let you down, and ultimately will never see you again. Im sorry... Though I fear you and Kat are one in the same and we both danced in a web of lies only to be at one anothers throat at the end of it all. Was beautiful while it lasted I suppose.

Valerie: Nothing ive really done beside neglect your birthday present, I try to do it but lose faith and or intrest in my drawings and just give up. I think about you all the time but I wish things were okay enough for us to be together. We met while arguing and became best friends, its strange.

Venny- for not being there, Im sorry, your a good friend and I seldom talk to you.

Lela- Im sorry for just seeming to say the wrong things to you, and pushing the envelope when you really dont want to be talked to.

Mom- generally speaking, everything I do. I wont elaborate.

Dad- for being a letdown since niether you or mom can know what I want in life or who I am. You wouldnt accept it nor would you care.

Right now, I just feel like my world is being ripped apart, nothing really bad happening, its just that I dont have any way to escape, its just deteriorating.

And to all my other friends, I love you all, Joey, Phoenix, CC, Barbie, etc. I just havent felt well lately and dont know how to describe what I feel exactly about you guys. You mean so much to me.


Call it angst or what not, but it doesnt feel like I have anything to look forward to, I dont have a life goal, i have little intrest in becoming incredibly wealthy, and in general I wish I could fix it all...