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How had it been so that his voice was as captivating as it was? That every word he said seemed to wrap around me like a blanket, warming me with every turn. I dont think words could be used to describe his voice; so smooth and tangled in nervousness; so akward and, I would have to say, sexy--I know that word isnt too appropriate to use, but its true, his voice is just plain out sexy. I couldnt hear him much yesterday, but I melted at the first sound of his voice; my hands trembled. My honeybee..so sweet.

I've come to realize that no matter how hard I want my mind to concentrate, to stray away from thoughts of him, I just cant. Anything I do now, always has something in relation to him. The thing is, I cant help it. So many times Ive wanted to give this up, maybe I wouldnt feel anything afterwards? Yet so many times, I see myself coming back to him. I wont let go; my heart just wont let go of him. And now I see that I dont have to run away from this anymore like Ive tried to, it's not the same as other times before him.

He told me from the beginning that he wouldnt hurt me, and I was skepteckle[sp? Oo;;] about what he had told me-- but something with such certainty in me led me to believe that he was telling the truth then. I still dont know what it was that he had done to me, but I liked it. I didnt have to control the path of this relationship, it led to this on its own.

And how many times had it been?

How many times have I seen what I wanted to come true, rot before my very eyes?
Far too many times.

But this time, he wont hurt me, and I know it. I know he's the one I truly want to be with..