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somehow i thought i was done with feeling bad about myself... i mean if you stood in my shoes... i have fantastic friends.. parents that love me...food(AKA MY TUMMY FATNESS) and a house to stay in and a bed to sleep on... and things i have always wanted.... why do i feel like this... i have everything i have ever wanted... except a few things but thats my part.. but i just don't get why i have to feel this pain.. this empty hole in my heart.. is someone suposed to feel that gap... is some item suposed to fill it... or is it just that i can't let go of something... maybe its that i can't accept that sooner or later i will be alone... or maybe its my mind playing these horrible tricks on me...i wish it would stop.. i wish it would all just stop! this isn't a game.. it hurts... it makes me bust out on my knees crying... is this fun for you.. you are sick.. you seem to find pleasure hurting me...god.. why is this happening... help me forget this hurt and move on... help me get back in shape so i will actually have a local bf.... my bf now is soo sweet but he doesn't know the real me.. and the secrets i hold back.. the things i haven't told my friends... the secrets i have held from my parents.. its all sitting in my head ready to just explode on the next random person.. the anger and hatred and sadness and depression is growing inside me... i need to stop it before i hurt someone.. or... everyone....

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