continuing off yesterday's...topic.
I now realize that what i did was wrong. i don't know why i didn't then, i was...insane. Yes, i know i use that phrase too often, but now it applies. Why is it that when things are going good, i screw up something so bad, then another thing happens? these things totally screw up my life. I really try to be nice, i really do, but i'm just the way others are to me. i try to be nice to them, they are mean, i can't help but adopt the same way of thinking, considering ive been in the same class as them my entire life.
If you want to take me off your friends list, fine. Don't talk to me at lunch(like you ever do unless i yell or cry), that's ok too. Just don't report me for that. When i was writing yesterdays journal, i was nearly in tears(not like that's uncommon). You never tell me anything! sango, i had to hear from asheligh that you were moving. why didn't you tell me? afraid i'd burst into tears and look like a mental person? People i have thought of as friends for 3 years now, i realize that was just my mind pretending. actually, i feel most at home at our table, yet i am never included in anything.
others avoid me because i get upset too easily, or they think im weird. I'm weird. yes, i said it. im sure you all think it at some point. sango, tuesday when i told you about the person thing... it was the truth, but it is so unrealistic that it's impossible to believe. I hardly beleive it myself. Now i see that it was simply a trick of the mind wanting me to see how i want my life to be. normal. all i want is to be less insane, moronic, and stupid. nobody can help me with this, but everyone made me this way.
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I don't know.
This thing is whatever I need it to be at the time.
Currently it's a write-out-my-stream-of-consciousness-to-make-myself-feel-better place.
Fishy fishy.
Bloop bloop.
Bloop bloop.
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InuSweetheart
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Who is Puffer Fish
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