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why is it that with everything i do still no good comes from it? everything is always crappy as if the divine entity that controls us wants me suffer. why should i be the one always by myself? why should i be the on to be constantly depressed by alienation and isolation? is it my fault that my brothers fight constantly, is it my fault that oliver is a devilspawn child that brings misery and pain where ever he goes? it shouldnt be but because im the oldest it is, it always is. everyday of my life for as long as i could remember its always been this torture from siblings, parents, classmates, teachers, and everone else around me. will it always be the same?