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*sigh* i know i said i would have more of these out ltely, but i have had so much work from school to do, sorry. well at least i am poting this one right? well...nothign much. i just have to do a whole entire book report, and a visual, about a book in which i didnt even finish, and i dont own teh book anymore so i have to do it all from memory, due on MONDAY. and i have a project in history to do. i havent even begun the second draft, i really need to do >.< that is due TUESDAY. and i also have a SCIENCE project to due, its a report, *sigH* well at least that one is due december sumthin >.< i think the first, but i have had so much homework that if i wanted to be on teh computer i would have to get it doen while doing everythgin else online,a dn that is stressful! but for my friends who actually enjoy talking to me, i do it for them.
and for my friends who are in pain of anything..broken heart..pressure..dont know which way to go..i am SO there for anyone of you. just spill your heart out to me, i dont care, ill listen, just like when i am having a mental breakdown..like i normally do..you listen. but if ANY of you need just someone to listen and be there for you, i am here!
*sigh* school isnt going very well, like in my other journal entry, its harsh getting from class to class, and my dad is JUST BARELY getting my friend and i to school on time, and in the monring before the bell rings, is the ONLY time i get to hang out with my so called friends! some of them are my true friends..others are jsut ppl who know me.. and who i hang out with. and we can consider eachother friends..but we could never tell teh other sumthin we really needed to tell to someone. i am being called emo, and rumors have been spreading...about me for once..but they arent good. they rumors qoute that i love my friend alex, who actually just got out of a relationship when his girlfriend thought he was boring her and broke up with him, and they are also saying that i am emo and that i slit my wrists and watch teh blood drip dry. and others are just saying that i am a loner emogoth who keeps to herself and has no emotions whatsoever and will kick your a** if you try to speak with her... really i am none of these that the rumors state..sure i have my bad moments when i just want to lose control on purpose and break something just to see it shadder into more pieces than my heart is in, if even possible.or just run away as far as i can just to see if i can leave every painful thought and memory i have behind me.. but i cant do these, so i confide my emotions within me, and becoem emotionless to everyone, because if anyone knew what i really have to go through...every single day of my life...then they would most likely point and laugh at me.. saying i am a good for nothing broken emogoth who cant handle her emotions...its true though. i am good for nothing, and i am broke...and broken as a matter of fact, and i cannot handle my emotions. if i did..that would be unspeakable since its impossible. lets see them handle what i am going through, but that all is going off topic..school was what i was talking about correct? well;
in gym class, ugh.. i so despise gym class.. but my ex boyfriend..who is now also my best friend, in my eyes he is at least, to him i could be nothing, i wouldnt care, but he, along with my best friend, are in my same gym class, so i dont dare try to get out of it.and in my other elective class...'life choices' or what my teacher makes every call 'human and consumer science' i already know hwo to take care of a family, i already know how to cook healthy meals, and etc etc. i know from first hand experience...
and in every class, i at least have a C, which is not good, i cant handle the pressure of all my classes, all teh work, keeping up with the house, keeping up with my little brother, keeping up with my reputation, my schoolwork, all the cooking and cleaning, and my emotions and all of the pressure that all of this gives me and still be able to think straight in the middle of class while the teacher is rambling on about something they think they know about. *sigh*..well..you guys probly dotn even want to be reading this...i know its really long.. oh well...whatever.