I turned thirty years old three days ago. Its still surreal that I'm still writing here and that I still exist in this world. I'm afraid my time is short though, not because I'm planning to die or will die anytime soon; its just that I know human life is fragile and frail. At any moment in time life can easily be whisked and snatched away in front of our very eyes. In my 30 years of existence I've seen it, people come and go. Sometimes its death, sometimes it's distance, sometimes it's time. As we continue to march forward there are those who we leave behind by either choice or circumstance. Perhaps I'm like this because I'm lonely. I admit that I am. I feel like everything I try to hold dear I eventually lose. It's studied that loneliness kills right? Maybe thats the reason why I feel that my life is short.
I remember talking to Rosie, when I was twenty seven. I remember telling her that I was feeling this dread of turning thirty. She told me that life is just starting and that thirties are great because you have money, wisdom and theres still a whole lot ahead of you. I'm not sure if I agree, maybe its my depression speaking but it feels bleak. I remember she asked me why I don't do anything for my birthday. I told her because I don't think my life is worth celebrating.
I lost too much in this life. I have face death and died and been reborn tens of thousands of times already. Each reincarnation leaves a piece of my soul lost in time. By now I'm just an empty shell of a person who I used to be. Just a glass specter roaming the earth. A remainder of an infinite series that keeps on dividing approaching the limit of zero.
I just want it to stop.
I just want time to stop.
- A.A.M
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I've been writing in this since I was thirteen in 2007. I still am writing in it, and it will probably be my legacy till the day I die. (Don't start reading from the beginning as my writing was atrocious then.)
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