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Well it's Christmas Eve, and I'm more depressed then usual. Got woke up this morning at 5:00am after 4 hours of sleep by my drunk a** Step Dad. It seems he fell over, and was blaming my Mom for it because she wasn't in the room to help him up right when he fell over. She was in the living room. But what's rediculous is how it only took her a few seconds to get to him, when he said she didn't come for 5 minutes. I don't see why he does this, trying to change stories in his favor. Does he think he's making a point, does he think he'll be respected? I don't understand how someone like him chooses to live, maybe that's why he drinks so much. Maybe it's the cause of his constant negative attitude. The wanting to die, and it's moronic that he would try and bring us down with him. It makes me sick, that he constantly yells at my Mom from arm's length. Our neighboors can even hear him yell, it's getting really old. It's getting worse everyday, and all we can do about it is wait for him to die. Anyway, about an hour after the incident happend I fell back to sleep for 4 more hours. Woke up again from being told I don't do anything, that I'm worthless. It's not that I care about what his opinion of me is, it's just that I'm always being told this and it piles up. Rattling my nerves to no end, and I just want to cry. I know his opinions won't matter in my future, I just can't stand this. I don't want to be yelled at on Christmas, I don't want to cry on Christmas. I don't want to live with this, on any day of the year. But I can already feel what's going to happen, and I can't do s**t to change it. It's not only affecting me, my mom feels it too. She's always being yelled at, more so then me. At least I have my room to go to, but it's still not enough. He yells so loud that when he talks with his normal speaking voice, you can STILL hear him from in my room with the door closed and music playing. I don't know what I'm going to do, I try not to vent like this. I don't like holding it in either, but I try my best not to dump it all on my friends. So damn, if you read this I'm incredibly sorry. But thanks. <3

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