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I never found a good enough reason to keep pushing forward. In the end, it's always the same. I just don't understand... I never understood. I never will. Ever since I was small I could just never figure out what was wrong with me? Is it me? Is it them? Is it both of us? I know what is true. I was raised to always stand by the truth and I'll be damned if I stop standing by what I know is right and true. Somehow.. I always let these labels get to me. I feel weak.. If I'm called it long enough,
I'll end up believing it. So here's the thing about me that I noticed throughout the years, when I am labeled and called something, I'll believe it. I'll believe it for years to come. And I will give into it. Not the label. But the fact that people's minds don't change. So I will roll along with it.
"You're a slut." Yeah I know, thanks.
"You're a b***h." Yeah I know, okay.
"You're so annoying." I see that.
"You're worthless." I know.
"You don't belong in this planet." I feel you.
"You'll always be my burden." I'm sorry you feel that way.
"You're a liar." I guess I am.
"You're wrong." Yep. Totally.
"You're a manipulative and abusive individual."
... And that's where I draw the line. Because I know for a fact that's not true. I hate my generation of adults. They're all dumbasses. Overly sensitive, defensive, easily offended dumbasses. Me: "I think your mom is right, she is actually saying something useful."
Them: "Shut the ******** up. Don't antagonize me. Quit nagging me. God, you're just another ******** burden on my shoulders."
And then I'll go back to agreeing. Yep. That's what I am.

But I know I'm manipulative. That word has come off into society as such a bad thing. But I've saved far more lives with that ability that most people even know.
I wish that word wasn't so.. Negative in society. I AM manipulative. Yes. But those who find it bad are those who closed their ears, eyes and their minds to what the true messages were behind whatever I was saying. It came off as a, "******** b***h is trying to change me. ******** you. ******** you. ******** you."

Hey, I'll just stop caring then. I was never one to stick around people who aren't open and willing to accept suggestions. It's called just bluntly saying "No" to me. Like geez. I can handle a ******** no.

Weak minded people will instantaneously jump to labels and blame.
"You never cared in the first place."
Me: Okay. Sure. I guess I didn't then. You're so right.

But honestly, I know the truth and I'll stick to it. No matter how hard it gets for me.

Sometimes I wish I was a dumbass, weak minded, ignorant ********. Maybe I'll finally see what about me is so bad.

Is it me? Or is it you being overly defensive of yourself from long term abuse so long ago that all you hear is "I want you to change cause I don't like you."

That's not true. I love you the way you are.. You just built too high of a wall that I stopped trying to climb it. And I fell. This time I accepted it and decided to not get back up.

So again, let me accept all the blame.

Yes, you're 100% right. You always were. I am what everyone says I am. I am a monster who shouldn't live. I am a burden upon burdens. A disgrace. A fraud. A liar. Name after name, I am what you believe of me.

... Only in your mind.