::claws at face:: IT IS LATE / EARLY WHATEVER, AND I AM SO ******** BORED.
RARGH. domokun
Sam and I have never spent a full week straight together, and this last visit wherever and whenever during the summer will be our last before college starts. Who knows what'll happen then? It'll ... stay the same. He'll be in Purdue, hours away from home, and I'll be in NYU not so far away. But the same premise will remain, with hundreds of miles between us.
When I can actually sit back and think about this, it depresses me insanely.
Tonight it does, because Sam is at a Murder by Death show and I would go in my present physically sore condition to it with him if I could. I would stay for hours. I would go anywhere, so long as I were with him. I know his friend Rory is there right now too, but I still wouldn't care!
Just ... when I'm around him, I am a complete person. I don't have to fake smiles or make up some excuse about how I want to go home after being out doing things for hours at a time, because when I'm next to him, I am at home.
Why is it that this is the case, and it's only happened four times so far? More increasingly lately, but still. Months at a time without seeing each other. It drives me mad.
It's not even so much that I can't physically be with him, which is another issue all in itself. The security of holding his hand and the way that I can't automatically find it at first, but I can at least slide my fingers down his arm and know that I've come home when his hand turns and opens to mine. There are the little and big things that make every moment so surreal and so defining all at once. It all feels natural, but it takes a few days for my brain to realize that yes, this is all happening now. And only a few days after that, we're separated again.
grrgh.
Well, I'm at a loss. This is my life, and most people who know how long I've been with Sam say that they wouldn't be able to take the distance. I say I can, but days and nights like these really remind me that it's hard. That the wait is just killing me even if I don't see it, even if it's not as dubious as it used to be.
I should head to bed soon ... I don't know when Sam is coming home. Yay for late-night shows and traffic out of Chicago. And who the hell knows what else he might do afterwards with Rory and whoever else might have come along.
...
I miss you, Sam. And I love you.
Edit: omgz HE'S HOME! xd heart
RARGH. domokun
Sam and I have never spent a full week straight together, and this last visit wherever and whenever during the summer will be our last before college starts. Who knows what'll happen then? It'll ... stay the same. He'll be in Purdue, hours away from home, and I'll be in NYU not so far away. But the same premise will remain, with hundreds of miles between us.
When I can actually sit back and think about this, it depresses me insanely.
Tonight it does, because Sam is at a Murder by Death show and I would go in my present physically sore condition to it with him if I could. I would stay for hours. I would go anywhere, so long as I were with him. I know his friend Rory is there right now too, but I still wouldn't care!
Just ... when I'm around him, I am a complete person. I don't have to fake smiles or make up some excuse about how I want to go home after being out doing things for hours at a time, because when I'm next to him, I am at home.
Why is it that this is the case, and it's only happened four times so far? More increasingly lately, but still. Months at a time without seeing each other. It drives me mad.
It's not even so much that I can't physically be with him, which is another issue all in itself. The security of holding his hand and the way that I can't automatically find it at first, but I can at least slide my fingers down his arm and know that I've come home when his hand turns and opens to mine. There are the little and big things that make every moment so surreal and so defining all at once. It all feels natural, but it takes a few days for my brain to realize that yes, this is all happening now. And only a few days after that, we're separated again.
grrgh.
Well, I'm at a loss. This is my life, and most people who know how long I've been with Sam say that they wouldn't be able to take the distance. I say I can, but days and nights like these really remind me that it's hard. That the wait is just killing me even if I don't see it, even if it's not as dubious as it used to be.
I should head to bed soon ... I don't know when Sam is coming home. Yay for late-night shows and traffic out of Chicago. And who the hell knows what else he might do afterwards with Rory and whoever else might have come along.
...
I miss you, Sam. And I love you.
Edit: omgz HE'S HOME! xd heart
