Falling into Darkness
Life fades away
The lies that have been told
Casted aside
Let me fall
Into my darkness
Into my hell
Into my death
No longer will I fight
No longer will I struggle
The lies can hurt me no more
Now the truth hurts just as much
Screaming
Bleeding
Dying
Waiting for death to overcome
Insanity is taken over
My wrists burn from pain
Warm blood pooling beneath
Tired of fighting
Tired of living
I give up
~
I'm tired, mentally. I feel betrayed, hurt, like dying. Why? I guess I feel like everything I used to know is fake. Like...I've been used. People say I am overly reacting, some say that I've become cold-hearted, some call me emotionless. Is it wrong to have control of my emotions?
I feel only what I want. Sometimes I become over-whelmed but we all do at some point or another. I only what will help me get through right now. Finding out some rather shaking news about a person I thought was so strong and finding out..well what I did does not help. It's like everything I thought true seems to be false.
I looked up to him. Truely I did. He was someone I beleived to be so mentaly strong. My opinion was false, like worshiping a false idol. It's just an act put on and I guess that now, it is fine with me.
Though...I'd like to try and continue talking but however that cannot be since appearntantly no one knows how to speak calmly like adults and sort this out. Why must I be so stupid in such things? For once I believe I found someone who understood I see now I am wrong. Wrong in many ways.
Tell me. Why is even when we have control over our emotions, it feels like our hearts have been destroyed? Ripped out of our chest, beating right in front of us, as it began to rot, wither and fall apart. Then finding yourself lost in a dark void because you tossed aside everything? It hurts and why can we not push pain aside? And continue being ourselves to make sure no one worries?
It's sickening. How stupid I am at times. I should be some dead person, shrivled up in a little corner, never to be found. Seriously...I really wish I could cut myself. But noo, stupid self-respect. I wonder...what if I was weak? Weaker then I already am? Could I die? Would I be able to kill myself? I think I just need to know no one needs me. However I feel I should be here. I do not want to die until my friends are happy. I wish only for their own will being. If I ever hurt those close to me, I could never ever forgive myself.
Thus ends my little depression rant. I do not feel like telling the whoel detailed story and respect the privacy of our arguement enough not to. If he who argues with me desires to leave a comment, do not. I am tired of you calling my a child when you are the one with a swear word every other word. I left hte conversation in order to swallow my pride and anger and leave before things went out of control.
~Shadow of Fire
Death is the only reason we are alive. Because we fear death, we live. We die because you are tired of living.
 elegantdemonofpoop · Tue May 23, 2006 @ 10:32pm · 0 Comments |
