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I am a middle child and I have noticed that ALL the middle children I have met (or that can remember) is that they grow up to be the "odd" one in the family.

By odd i mean things like:

-different point of view from the rest of the family
-is sort of a loner with the family a bit
-prefers to be with friends and/or pets, rather than family
- is serious/quieter towards his parents
-has a quiet hobby like drawing, writing, reading comics and so on, instead of playing an instrument or singing and so on
-is not very attached to parents or none at all

I was wondering why is that
Do most middle child kids feel left out

If you are a middle child, or have experience with friends who are middle children, please share your opinion. I would like to know it very much.
I will share my personal opinion on the matter below.


I asked some friends and even parents them and here is what I concluded. Keep in mind it is my personal opinion and am curious about other opinions and such.



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In Puerto Rico we have this saying for the middle child called "el jamon del sandwich", which literally translates to "the jam of the sandwich". It refers when you are stuck in the middle and to be in the most uncomfortable position. That is a middle child. In most cases it is because the kid has nobody to turn to as a kid. I mean regarding to parents. Some can turn to their brothers or sisters, but that is hardly the case from what I have seen.
I refer as in both parents would treat the other siblings better. Why does this happen? Simple, usually one parent leans more towards a child. It does not mean it is his/her favorite child, it just means the parent gets along better or even have similarities with the kid, thus feeling more comfortable that they share something in common or so. This makes them lean more to a specific child, thus many believe that they are the favorite child. In some sad cases, I have heard parents literally say "she/he is my favorite child".
Thus, many of this kids feel looked down upon and neglected by their parents. Some feel unloved and other know they are loved, but don't feel it.


There is an old saying that says the boys usually becomes mama's boy" and the girls are "daddy's girl". I think this also affects if the youngest is a boy and the oldest a girl or vise versa (I will explain why later on).

What I see in most families with 3 kids is that the youngest is considered the baby of the house, thus gets treated and spoiled because it's the 'baby'. With the eldest, they give more more as well because they are the first born or they have more privileged because since they are older, and/or they have more experience with life and know what they are doing, this one is not always the case but I have seen it often as well.


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In my personal experience as a middle child:
In my house we grew up with both parents married, my older sister and my younger brother. I am the middle child, a 'female'.
(I am gengerqueer.)

*My sister was spoiled a lot since she was the "miracle child".
(Up to this day, she is 26 and is still referred to as the miracle child. This is due to the fact my mom was never able to give birth to children and was not meant to because her body did not let her. But them after 2 stillborn children, my sister was born.)
She was spoiled like crazy! They would not give her allowance, instead she would say she needed to go shopping and my parents would just give her the ATM and she would go in a shopping spree. If she needed a ride to the end of the universe, my dad would take her and pick her up in mars at any time. My sister grew up very spoiled and not humble at all due to this. Even now it's what she wants, and how she wants it, when she wants it.
Also she would be allowed to pretty much do and go to where she pleased and how she pleased. If I would ask my dad, he would say "She is the eldest, she knows more about life and has more experience than you." She wanted a car, and my parents got her one. She grew up in a bubble basically, where she would do as she wanted always.
I do however, look up to the nice relationship she developed with my dad.
So here we have a 'daddy's girl'.

*My brother who is the youngest, was also very spoiled (still is). He is 20 years old now and soon will be 21. Since he is the 'baby', they spoil him with anything he wants. He has a girlfriend? Then they at least give him double the money he asks for because of the girlfriend now. He will go to the movies with her? Movies are $6, the most expensive combo is $7....so my parents would give him $50.
(They do give him money, unlike my sister who was given the ATM to waste as much as she pleased,) Since he is a guy, he can go out to wherever he wants because he is a guy so therefor knows how to defend himself, or so my parents say. He recently started to work, but he did not go to college so he was literally lazying around and going out with friends with no care in the world for 3 years with no school or work to attend to. They would also lend him the car whenever (unlike my sister, who got one).
He grew up being a 'mama's boy', since my mother would say he was a baby and he didnt know any better.


*I am the jam of the sandwich, a 21 year old me now. This acts I grew up with resulted as me not having a mom or dad that I could turn to. I kinda grew up feeling isolated, since I was always quite I would get bullied so I had absolutely no friends.But I did however, found comfort in my pets, which resulted in me now being vegan, defend animal rights, never use anything tested on animals, am against zoos, save strays and help them, and such and even volunteer in animal adoption center that are absolutely no-kill. I asked my parents and my mom and dad both said "it's not that we loved you less, it's just that we could familiarize more with your brother and sister due to the fact you are so different since you were a kid."
I do admit I always had a different point of view in many things such as religion, equal rights for humans so even gays can marry and such, and I ended up being genderqueer and my parents were never a fan of it since they are old fashioned and a lady should look, be and act like a lady and also be taken care of by a man and serve a man. Never liked what the thought it was "fun" such as their music or partying with family and friends among other things. We also had many arguments due to the fact they believe animals are only here to serve man and who cares how they are treated...sigh....
I did not grew up spoiled, if I wanted money then I had to get it on my own because anything I wanted was not a necessity, such as art materials and things that to me mattered. I would sell my drawings to buy my own things since I was 11, or would make hand-crafted things to sell. but started to actually work hard for it. If I wanted to be somewhere, I HAD to lean how to use public transportation because they couldn't take me, or so they said (which is funny because nobody in my family knows how to use public transportation but me), and also they never taught me to drive because they would think I would run away and they had to avoid that.


I moved out on my own over seas even tho they did not wanted me to do so , and am comfortable now. We do not talk, we text, but by text we talk more than we have ever had.
So I can honestly say, I am happier with out relationship now and I know they know that I was never so bad and they could have done better but cant turn back time. I know this because a while back today, I receive a text from my dad that said:
"I miss you a lot. I love you very much, at times I cry because of the dad I could have been and wanted to be to you, but never was. But I promise you, anything I can do for you, I will do it. I love you so much."

And one that my mother texted was:
"I am sorry I did not hear you out when you would say you wanted to talk and I would reply "I am too tired for this" and went to sleep. I regret not being able to have been a better mother knowing I could have. I do not know what you believe in, but I want you to know I pray for you every night. Be safe and be good. I miss you and love you, never forget your mother loves you with her heart."



I did not wrote this to be pitied or anything. I just needed to take it out and wonder if anyone else can relate. If someone does, you are not alone and I would like to hear you out. You can pm me if you would prefer to since I know it's a more or less personal matter.


I apologize this was so long.